


Time Will Heal

by scruffufflewilltriumph



Category: Clexa au - Fandom, The 100 (TV), clarke - Fandom, clexa - Fandom, lexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3687273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffufflewilltriumph/pseuds/scruffufflewilltriumph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke moves to a new neighborhood, a new school, and meets new friends. Quickly she becomes popular, but how will she get through this new life, when she has fallen madly and deeply in love with no other than Lexa, a mere punk who nobody pays much attention to, that is until Clarke notices her. With both troubled pasts they try to push through obstacles to be together that is, without the school knowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That New Kid

"Clarke hurry up, you're going to be late on your first day!" Abby yelled from the kitchen. 

Clarke, upstairs in her room still getting her uniform on yells "I know mom! But I can't quite figure out this uniform.." as she struggles to tie her tie. 

"Just figure it out at school! Hurry your bus is here!" Abby yells once again as the bus honk is heard from the distance.

Clarke grabs her bag with her tie around her neck, rushes downstairs and kisses her mom on the way out of the house. "Good luck!" Abby yells before Clarke is out the door, she's nervous for her daughter, hoping that this school would be different. 

Luck, Clarke thinks, that's the very first thing she needs, and this has been the 15th school she's moved into in the past 3 years. She needs all the luck she can get, she's never really been good at this "new kid" thing, and she had always been the "new kid" on the block and had always been marginalized by everyone. Luck is what she needs to just hopefully, have this school treat her differently. 

As Clarke gets on the bus, she is hit with this familiar feeling of not belonging. She walks down the bus aisle as all eyes are locked on her. But something's different, a little too different, the eyes that are staring up at her aren't the same glare she got for being the new kid, its more genuine its more of a weird stare, as if she was the center of the universe, that was too pretty to keep your eyes off of. 

As she continues to walk down multiple kids move their bag aside and made space for Clarke to sit. "Uh, you could sit with me if you want?" this guy said, with shaggy hair and quite an adorable smile. As Clarke was about to sit beside him and thank him, this great force pulls her to the back of the bus. "Please Bell, like she's going to sit with you.." this girl says as she talks to the guy, as Clarke stared at them she noticed a resemblance. "Screw you O, I was just trying to be friendly" the boy said, "yea right, you've been drooling since she moved in a week ago" the girl says back. "I did not!" the boy quickly says back, "You did, c'mon you can't lie to your sister!" the girl yells, and then it was clear, they resembled each other since they were siblings. It was fun for Clarke to watch as two siblings she has never met before fight over who she's going to sit with, this was new. 

As the boy turned around and continued talking to his buddies, the girl approaches Clarke and sits beside her at the back seat of the bus.

"Excuse my annoying brother, I'm Octavia by the way, you can call me O!" she says smiling looking at me. 

"Clarke" Clarke says, she smiles as she's hit with this feeling of finally being asked who she is without being made fun of. "You're my new neighbor! You guys moved into that house down the street from me, finally a girl my age to hang out with where it takes her only 2 seconds to come over." Octavia says while she's lit with this smile "you are close to my age right? 17?" She asks curiously, "Yeah, just turned 17 actually," Clarke says and Octavia once again is lit with this smile that she rubs off on everyone.  
\---  
Lexa is awoken with her alarm, 8:10 she reads "FUCK!" she says to herself and rushes to the bathroom. As she gets out of her room she's stopped as she sees Anya run into it first as she's met with Lexa's glare. "Anya! The bus is going to be here in 20 minutes!! I'm going to be late if you don't get out of there right now!!" Lexa yells banging hard on the washroom door. "I told you to wake up early! Sorry second, but it's going to be awhile before I get out of here, I have an interview today remember?" Anya yells from inside as she turns the shower on.

"I really hate you right now! You better wish there isn't some hot chick that just moved into the neighborhood, or else ill fucking kill you!" Lexa yells as she stomps her way into the master bedroom. (oh if only she had known that her words will slap her right in the face then she would've chosen a better thing to say)

"It's 8 am, what is with all this yelling?" Indra questions as she gets up from her bed, "sorry Indra, but Anya is being a pain in the ass right now and I just need to get ready" She says as she walks into the master washroom, she quickly gets ready and ties her hair in a messy bun and puts on her uniform plaid skirt, her favorite led zeppelin shirt under her white blouse that's unbuttoned all the way, and along with the tie that she carelessly ties around her neck. 

"Lexa, please don't cause any trouble today, I've had enough visits to your school this past month" Indra says as she's reading the 4th school report that Lexa has been given this week. "I would love to promise that, but you, yourself thought me that no one should get in my way Indra" Lexa says as she gives Indra a grin that could mean anything knowing her.

Lexa rushes out the door and is met by the bus waiting for her. She gets on the bus as usual and greets Bryan the bus driver when the blonde sitting all the way at the back with Octavia catches her attention. "Holy shit.. she's gorgeous" she whispers to herself. "You could say that again" Bryan says as he stares at Clarke from the mirror above him. "She seems like your type" Bryan adds on, and just as Lexa was about to drool on the new girl beside Octavia, she looks up at her and smiles, a genuine smile, a smile that no one in this school has given her other than her one and only friend. "Heda, you just gonna stand there and drool? Or are you going to sit down?" Gustus said smirking at her as she drools over the blondie. 

Lexa sat beside Gus and listened to him talk about this new gig he got called for, his band TonDC were going to be part of battle of the bands. Lexa was happy for Gus but it was hard for her to pay attention as she kept glancing to the back staring at the blonde girl who caught her multiple times and smiled. 

"Are you even listening to me or are you too busy eye fucking that new chick?" Gus said nudging Lexa back into reality. 

"Shut up Gus! She's not that interesting, I'm just staring at her because she's new.." Lexa said, which Gustus including herself knew was a terrible lie. "Anyway, I thought you guys were missing a lead guitarist and a lead singer? So how are you guys going to perform on battle of the bands..?" Lexa asked as they both got off the bus and walked inside the school. 

"well, thats when you come in actually.. i was wondering if you'd like to fill that spot in?" Gus looked at Lexa, eager to get an answer quickly. Lexa sighs and looks down at her shoes, "I know its been long, i know that you haven't been on stage ever since Costia, but its been 2 years, could you possibly consider it?" Gustus asked, with wide eyes as he sees Anya approaching.

Lexa never really touched her guitar, or sang in public that is, since Costia. She broke her heart the day of her first and last public performance, Lexa has never tried to sing or play in public ever again, no matter how hard Gustus tried.

"Hey second, got a second?" Anya asks as she pulls Lexa away from Gus. Lexa nodds and is thanking Anya in her head as she gets to avoid the topic of Costia and public performing in one question. 

"I've got this interview right, remember? Well i forgot i was suppose to be showing this new girl around the school, and with my interview and all i was hoping you could?" Anya asks waiting for Lexa's reply. Lexa thinks for a moment, if this new girl is the girl she saw on the bus she would immediately say yes, but somehow part of her was saying no Lexa its a trap. 

"Considering how you stole the washroom from me this morning, why should i?" Lexa furrowed her brows.

"well lets just say, if you help me with this i could possibly get rid of your upcoming detention this friday considering how you so eagerly wanted to go to that concert?" Anya grinned at her, she knows all of Lexa's weaknesses, her favorite band performing in town included. 

Lexa sighed loudly and agreed to help Anya, "She better not be weird or like talk a lot, or i swear ill ditch her in the middle of the school.." Lexa adds on, but she herself knew that if its that blonde girl she saw this morning that she'd be touring the school with, she'd spend every moment with her and makes sure that the school tour would take hours rather than the half hour it usually is. 

"Great, just meet her at the office as soon as the first bell rings!" Anya said, waving a goodbye to Lexa while blowing a kiss to Gustus. Lexa could see Gustus' knees get weak as she blew him a kiss, and Lexa couldn't help but laugh as she noticed that her best friend had this huge crush with her well almost blood sister.

\---  
"I appreciate you taking me to the office O" Clarke says smiling as Octavia walked by her side leading her to the office with linked arms. 

"It's fine, I go there every morning anyways to talk to my boyfriend, so might as well take you right?" Octavia said happily, Clarke wasn't surprised that Octavia had a boyfriend, with her beauty itd be surprising if she didn't. 

Clarke and Octavia finally made it to the office and Octavia lets go of Clarke's arm as she runs toward this tall, muscular guy. That would be her boyfriend, Clarke told herself. Clarke approaches the couple and gives a geniune smile to the guy hovering over Octavia. "Clarke, this is my boyfriend, lincoln" Octavia says introducing both of them to one another, "babe, this is Clarke, she's new and were most likely going to be inseperable, so dont be jealous ok?" Octavia said jokingly. 

Clarke watched as Lincoln's face goes from a blank expression to a wide smile within seconds. Octavia must affect Lincoln to be more happy and less, well stiff. As Octavia became the centre of attention for Lincoln, Clarke was left there standing, watching the couple act like a couple, which she didn't mind but she was eager to get to know the school and know her way around it too.

Clarke clears her throat to remind them of her presence. "Right, sorry.." Octavia says, laughing with Lincoln. "Actually, Anya should be here by now ready to show you around the school" Lincoln mentioned, while looking around confused. 

As Lincoln was about to page the school for Anya, this girl walks into the office. Clarke's eyes widen as she remembers the girl. It's the girl that kept staring at her on the bus. Clarke smiles at the girl standing infront of her, she doesn't smile back. 

"Lexa, where's Anya?" Lincoln asked, but Lexa was too busy staring at the blonde in front of her. "Earth to Lexa?" Octavia jokingly added finally catching Lexa's attention. 

"Right, she won't make it." Lexa said, still staring at Clarke. 

"What do you mean she wont make it?" Lincoln asked. 

"As in, she has an interview, meaning she wont show newbie here where everything is." Lexa says, and as Clarke hears those exact words, she cringes as multiple memories pop in her head when she was reffered as the "newbie" in a non good way. 

"But dont worry, she's sent me to take her place." Lexa says finally breaking the stare she had locked on Clarke. "I'll take good care of her." Lexa said smiling at Lincoln. Lexa had this uneasy smile on her face, as if she was going to kidnap Clarke and run away.

"And what would you like in return?" Lincoln asked curiously raising an eyebrow. 

"really, you think i want someting in return for showing princess here where everything is? but now that you've mentioned it, i'd like friday night to be detention free please." Lexa said grinning at Clarke.

Clarke just stood there staring at the mysterious, yet attractive person infront of her. She couldn't help but love the way she stared at her, "Clarke.." Clarke said, interupting Lexa and Lincoln. "What?" Lexa said, raising an eyebrow, "Clarke.. that's my name" Clarke said smiling at Lexa, You could tell that Clarke feared Lexa, just by the way she was smiling at her, as if Lexa would bite if she said anything wrong. 

"Oh, right, Clarke, I'm Lexa." Lexa said smirking at Clarke, "Shall we go then?" Lexa added, Clarke looked at her confused but Lexa wasted no time and grabbed Clarke by her wrist, and led her outside of the office. 

\--

As Clarke and Lexa walk around the halls for about 5 minutes now, Clarke couldn't help but notice the change in Lexa's actions. Lexa was smiling, grinning, staring at her a lot inside the office. But now, now that they were both alone it was quiet, Lexa stopped staring at Clarke and she clearly stopped smiling. Clarke couldn't help but feel sad that the attention that Lexa was giving her, disappeared. She liked how Lexa stared at her, it made her feel surprisingly welcomed.  
"this school is huge" Clarke says trying to make small talk, but nothing. 

"My old school is nothing compared to this school, honestly this hallway is like twice the size of the actual classrooms, i mean wow this hallway is just really big." Clarke kept talking.

Lexa glanced at Clarke every now and then without Clarke noticing, she actually stopped smiling because it wasn't until now that she really realized how truly beautiful Clarke was. She had secretly lectured herself in her thoughts as she realized how obvious she was in the office. Lexa couldn't help but think about how she already embarrassed herself just by awkwardly staring at Clarke and getting lost in her eyes. She couldn't afford to embarrass herself anymore, she does have a reputation to uphold, so she stopped looking at Clarke without her noticing so that she could avoid from smiling. 

"Lexa.." Clarke said as she noticed her glance at her with a blank expression. "Did i do something to offend you?" Clarke added on, Lexa confused raised her brow up at Clarke. "I mean if i did, I'm really sorry and I'm new so like i really don't know how things are around here, but if you would actually like, talk to me, i could possibly get to know the school better, and possibly get to know you better?" Clarke added catching up with her breathing as she finished talking. 

Lexa could feel a smile approaching as she noticed how adorable Clarke is when she's worried, and with all her strength she stopped the smile from surfacing. "You want to get to know me? better?" Lexa asked, repeating the words that Clarke had said, Lexa could feel her cheeks turning red as she heard these words come from Clarke's mouth. She couldn't control it anymore, for some reason Lexa was smiling without even noticing it had slipped from her. 

"Yea, well if thats ok with you.." Clarke says looking down at her feet. Clarke too could feel her cheeks turning red, why she wanted to know Lexa better? She really wasn't sure, maybe it was the fact that she loved the attention that Lexa gave her, staring at her multiple times, or was it that she thought Lexa was extremely attractive, or maybe it was the feeling she got when she first saw Lexa, she felt a click. As she noticed this beautiful girl on the bus staring at her as she stepped foot on the bus, she couldn't help but be overwhelmed by an unfamiliar feeling of wanting to get to know her.

"Well, we shall see if you're worthy enough to get to know me.." Lexa said with the expression on her face as if she were going to do something that Clarke would be uncomfortable with. 

Clarke took a step forward to Lexa "Bring it on.." Clarke said smirking, and from that moment Clarke no longer feared Lexa, she was just fascinated. As for Lexa, she may not notice yet that she too were fascinated by Clarke, developing feelings that she thought she got rid of 2 years ago. 

Lexa took another step forward too, "You sure princess?" Lexa said as she bit her bottom lip, not noticing that her eyes were not looking at Clarke's eyes but her lips. "As your command, commander" Clarke says taking another step too. Clarke was unaware of how close she was with Lexa, they were basically breathing in the same bubble. On the other hand as Lexa's knees weaken when she notices how close the two are, she was using all her strength to not make it obvious that she was already thinking of how it would feel to kiss Clarke.


	2. Chapter 2 - Did Clarke Just Confess To Wanting To Have Sex With Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unavoidable sexual tensions, trapped in a small room, wow what more could a fangirl ask for

As a loud bang was heard from a distance followed by Clarke and Lexa running for their lives, you could see the group of guys running after them. You would expect to see terrified expressions on their faces, but instead Clarke's face is lit with a wide a smile, glowing as if she were the sun, as for Lexa, her smile glowing as well, made her look like the moon. Although she were smiling for a different reason then Clarke, she couldn't help but bite a smile from approaching as she glanced over the girl beside her who was holding tightly to her hand making sure they wouldn't budge. They had been running through the halls the whole time holding hands without realizing until now. 

"Get back here!" A groggy deep voice called out from behind. 

"Eat my ass!" Lexa called out as she yanked Clarke into another hallway. 

As they were running out of halls to run to, they find a small supply room and quickly hide inside. "What are w--" Clarke whispers to which Lexa shuts her up when she places her finger on Clarke's lips. The blonde could feel a wave of electricity flowing through her as Lexa's finger touched her lips but all she could concentrate on was how close the two were. For a school that's so big she was surprised that the supply room were smaller than she had expected them to be. Small enough for Clarke to feel Lexa's eyes gazing at her, small enough for the two of them to be chest to chest, small enough that both their thighs were touching each others. As Lexa tried ever so hardly to control her breathing as she finally noticed how close she is to Clarke, they both hear loud footsteps pass by the room. 

After making sure that time had passed since they had heard the footsteps, Clarke grabbed the door knob and "Shit.." she says, looking over at Lexa who had this confused look on her face, "What?" Clarke shakes the door trying to open it, "I-I think were locked in.." she shook the door even harder. "Fuck, ok, let me try" Lexa said grabbing the doorknob to which Clarke did not let go of fast enough which caused her knees to weaken as Lexa firmly grabbed the knob with her hands still wrapped around them. "Ok, on three" Lexa said looking over at Clarke with a stern look, "1..2.....3!!!" they both yelled and fuck, how they should've thought about that longer since the doorknob came flying off. "oh god, were screwed... its my first day, and we already got ourselves into trouble, and now were locked in a supply room, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, fucking flying fucking fuck.." Clarke whispered breathing heavily, she hadn't noticed the amount of times shes swore and if she were paying attention she would apologize for how unladylike that was of her. As Clarke tried controlling her breathing, the room is lit up with the sound of laughter, laughter that made Clarke's heart skip a beat, she looked over to Lexa who eyes filled with water laughed out loud wiping the tears off of her face as they fell down her cheek. 

"What's so funny?" Clarke asked confused, "nothing.. just, well.. YOU" and the laughter got louder, "what's so funny about me?" Clarke asked, if the girl who's laughing at her right now wasn't Lexa, she would've yelled at her and hit her already, but no, it had to be Lexa, it had to be this really attractive girl, with a smile that could light up the room and a laugh that could make her heart skip a beat. "You, just i can't, you're actually fucking adorable when you panic, especially when you swear like that, holy shit, just, give me a second.." Lexa said trying to control her breathing but still giggling every now and then. Clarke would've given her a joking death glare by now, but she was too busy blushing at the fact that she just heard Lexa call her adorable, did she really just hear this right, did Lexa just really call her adorable? 

Moments after Lexa finally controlled her breathing and calmed down a bit, she took out her phone and clicked on the first person on her speed dial, "Heda?" Gustus said from the phone, "Building 3, hallway 4, pretty sure supply room 2 if not supply room 3, locked inside, come help, now..." Lexa said calmly and hung up, if you listened closely you could hear Gustus' laughter before Lexa hung up. 

"Wow, you must know this school really well" Clarke said, impressed at her memorization ability, something she knew would take months to even remember which building is which. "Well, once you get used to skipping and avoiding the teachers and stuff, it wouldnt hurt to atleast memorize the place you're walking on, or in this situation memorize where everything is since Mount Weather is a big school" Lexa said smiling at Clarke, this smile though was different, it wasnt the devious smile that Lexa tends to give out, it was a smile that really means she likes the person shes smiling at (but Clarke doesn't know that, well not yet, and Lexa doesnt realize it either.) 

It took Gustus 5 minutes to find them, "Well would you look at that" Gustus said, smirking at Lexa as he glances over to Clarke who wiped off the specs of dust on her skirt. Lexa glared at Gus, which he knew was his sign to drop it and not piss her off, since they both knew how bad that would be especially since he's still waiting for Lexa's answer of being in the band or not. "Which reminds me, got an answer to my question yet?" Gus said looking at Lexa, which she just sighed again and looked at Clarke who looked at both of them confused, "What question?" although it wasn't her business to even ask, she didn't really care considering how they were both staring at her for some reason. "I'm in this band, called TonDC and we need a lead guitarist/singer, and the only person i know who could sing and play guitar is well yea" Gus said as he glanced over to Lexa, which then Clarke's eyes widen "you can sing? and play guitar??" she asked eagerly, a wide smile upon her face. Lexa looking confused at Clarke who looked like a child at the moment, as she asked her if she could sing or not answered "Well yea, no big deal.." Lexa said scratching the back of her head, "No big deal?" Clarke said giving her a look of disgust that really did not mean actual disgust but you know. "I dont know about you, but someone who is capable of singing to me while playing any type of guitar, now thats heaven, and i'd love to.. pardon my french but id totally fucking sleep with them" she added on, and to Lexa's surprise of Clarke's answer, with wide eyes she looks over to Gustus who had this grin upon his face, as if he knew that starting today TonDC now has a new lead singer/guitarist. 

"Pardon my french too, but you just fucking admitted that if Lexa here, sings for you and plays the guitar for you, then you would, no doubt fuck her right there and then" Gus said grinning at Clarke, Lexa who was still too shocked at Clarke's answer did not even hear a word that Gus said. "Well, uh.." Clarke says while her face lights up like a tomato, "I mean, yea, since i kinda already confessed that i would, then uhm yeah, right, yea.." she added on, looking at Lexa who was too busy staring at her in shock. "That is, if Lexa's ok with that.." Clarke says biting her lip, still red as a tomato. Oh Clarke, of course Lexa's okay with that, she's been ok with that ever since she thought about kissing you, and even more when your thighs touched, and a lot more when she heard you swear in panic.

\-- 

Lexa walked Clarke to her first class, that she was well 40 mins late to, but since she is new the teacher wouldn't really mind. She walks into Biology and is thankful that Octavia was there, sitting down looking bored as ever but lights up as she sees Clarke at the door handing the teacher a note. "Class kinda ends in like 20 minutes" Octavia says while she gestures for Clarke to sit beside her, Clarke just gives her a smile and takes out her sketchbook, and as she began sketching Octavia began talking about things she liked and things she didn't like, she didn't mind that Clarke wasn't paying much attention she just liked to talk about things. 

10 minutes after Clarke finished her sketch, Octavia looks over her shoulder and looks at the drawing, "Holy, shit.." Octavia says in amazement as she realized how talented Clarke was, "and uhm, not that i'm totally judging or anything, but you totally have a THING for Lexa, dont you?" she said grinning at Clarke. "W-What makes you think that?" Clarke says confused and blushing, Octavia gives her a grin "because im really good at reading people, and also because you totally just sketched Lexa.." pointing at her sketch, Clarke who completely did not recognize that she did infact just sketch Lexa, blushes and looks over at Octavia, "O, please don't tell anybody, i did just meet her like an hour ago.." Clarke says looking over at Octavia with puppy dog eyes, "Ok, i won't not cause your puppy dog eyes are adorable, but because this is really fucking cute and i want to hear everything!" she said as the bell rings, "Fuck, could you show me where the Art department is?" Clarke asked Octavia, "uhm, wasn't the point of the tour to show you were everything is?" Octavia asked, which then another grin appears on her face, "wasn't much of a tour i see, probably lots of distractions and unavoidable sexual tension.." she said jokingly as she grabbed Clarke and dragged her outside the classroom.


	3. Chapter 3 - Rock Bands Who Play Cupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i really suck at summaries, so like hi :)

Before Clarke could even realize just how fast the week went by it was already Friday. She met a lot of people, people who were willing to be friends with her, that's a first. She met Bellamy again, this time Octavia and him weren't fighting, he was sweet, gentle, and knew exactly the right things to say. Then she met Finn, Bellamy's best friend, he was mysterious, typical bad boy but with a sweet and kind side, especially around his girlfriend, Raven that is. Raven was hesitant at first about meeting Clarke since Finn gave her eyes that made her want to attack her, but after getting to know her better and probably realizing that Clarke was in fact checking her out the whole time she changed her mind. Clarke was happy, she was finally making friends, although the attention she got from her new friends made her feel loved, really loved, she kept hoping and waiting for those brief moments where Lexa gave her the attention she craved. Every morning on the bus, they'd exchange stares, a sly smirk from Lexa and a smile from Clarke, then in the halls before class if Clarke was lucky enough to catch Lexa pass by laughing with Gustus it helped her with getting through the day, then on the bus ride home when Gustus chose the seat right beside Clarke so that it would force Lexa to have to face her and at least say hi to her. All those brief moments that seemed like nothing, felt like something and Clarke wanted more, she wanted to have a full on conversation with Lexa but with every attempt of simply saying hi to her, all she got back was a simply hi back and nothing more. 

As Friday approached she woke up extra early to get ready and to make sure her hair and clothes were perfectly on point, well she tries to. It was a new routine that Clarke brought up, wake up an hour than usual, get ready, wait outside for the bus, get on the bus, wait for Lexa, spot Lexa, and stare at Lexa. She had been trying different hairstyles and different makeup techniques to get Lexa's attention, and so far the best reaction she's gotten was a simple grin, as if she was laughing on the inside. But today she knew that she'd catch her attention, she had spent the whole night stalking Lexa's facebook, twitter, and instagram and for a first time stalker she was proud of herself when she picked up little details about her. She knew that Lexa's favorite band were the so called Reapers, she knew that she was a sucker for anyone who dresses unique well rock band unique. So she knew that if she changed the way she wore her uniform a little bit and made her hair a little wacky and wore a lot of eye liner that she would at least catch Lexa's full attention this time. She was determined, and knew that if she did not catch her attention then she would go to her last resort and actually approaching her when she least expects it, cornering her in the hallway until they had a full on conversation about anything. 

After looking in the mirror and feeling proud of what she has turned herself into she shoots a quick smile to her self and runs downstairs, she's met with Abby sitting on their dinning table eating breakfast. "New style?" Abby says glancing at how her daughter look, "Is it spirit week or something? because so far you've gone for the 80's look, the messy look, the perky look, and now you're..a rockstar?" She asked raising an eyebrow at her daughter who she was greatly worried about. "Mom, just don't worry, ok?" Clarke said shooting her a reassuring smile. "You know honey you dont have to change yourself to make friends at school, I'm pretty sure your new friend Octavia won't mind if you dressed like yourself" Clarke sighed as she took a bite out of the apple she was holding, "It's not for Octavia, there's just someone that I want to notice me more.. i dont know mom, you won't understand", Abby got up and walked right up to Clarke, "Whoever this person is, they're crazy for not noticing you when you're being you" she said embracing Clarke really tightly and kissing her forehead. Clarke Clarke Clarke if you only knew that you being you was the reason Lexa noticed you in the first place you wouldnt be trying really hard to make yourself noticeable when in fact you're really being noticed by the person you most want to notice you, just in a secretive way without you knowing. 

Clarke got up and waited outside for her bus, when the bus finally came she got on and saw Gustus staring at her with wide eyes "Wow, Lexa would die to see you dressed like this" he said smiling, as he took his phone out and snapped a quick picture. "Sucks for her that she's ditching school today, but don't worry i'll send her this picture" he added on and continued to take multiple pictures of Clarke. Clarke confused snatched Gustus' phone away from him and gave him a questioning look, "Hey that's mine.." Gus said pointing at his phone, "What do you mean she's ditching school today?' Clarke asked still gripping on Gustus phone. "As in she doesn't want to come to school today? Its so typical of her to ditch school whenever she feels like it, why do you ask?" He said still trying to grab his phone but failing to do so. "Fuck me" Clarke whispered to herself as she realized that she had gotten all dressed up for nothing, "You know i would in a heartbeat but that would totally be against the whole Friendship code thing, and im pretty sure Lexa would kill me since you guys had that whole conversation that you would fuck her, and you know Lexa likes a girl who is true to her words.." Gustus said smirking not afraid of anything he's saying and just continuing to blab on. "And by the way I'm not assuming anything but you looking for Lexa, does it have anything to do with the fact that you've been playing dress up all week?" he added on eying her up and down, Clarke just stiffens and turns red "Holy shit, you are.. arent you?" and by now Clarke was yelling at herself for not coming up with any excuse at all, "Which really thank you for doing that since it's given Lexa a reason to smile often, which trust me you're definitely getting her attention, her favorite so far was the 80s look, made you stand out especially with that afro, yeaup she loved that she couldn't stop talking about it" Gustus said finally grabbing his phone out of Clarke's hand as she was too distracted at the fact that Lexa had been noticing her all along and well was talking about her. As the bus started moving she moved to the back where Octavia sat and she looked happy as usual but a little too happy, she was talking to Raven about something and she wasn't going to pay any attention to the conversation until they mentioned a band, not any band, the Reapers, Lexa's favorite band. 

"Ok so are you sure you can get us in?" Octavia asked and with the groan that Raven gave her it seemed like she had asked her that question a billion times, "Yes, im sure ok, trust me, so just tell me who's going" Raven said while looking over at Clarke and smiling at her as she sat down beside Octavia. 

"Ok so its you, me, Finn, Lincoln, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, and uhm OH SHIT RIGHT, CLARKE!" she said looking at Clarke "Me?" Clarke asked confused as always, "Yea you! You definitely have to come with us!" Octavia said shaking Clarke's arm, "Yea it'd be fun, plus you'll finally meet Jasper and Monty!" Raven added on.  
"Go where exactly?" Clarke asked, she normally wouldn't ask since she was happy at the fact that they wanted her along, but with the way they were talking it had only seemed like the right thing to do and ask. "This concert, best band ever! trust me when i say this, they always pick two people in the crowd that they think match each other and its like and theyre like cupid, and usually as a rock band playing cupid seems a little off putting but its cute, hilarious, and kinda romantic if you think about it. They sing for them too, depending on how they think they are, but trust us just come and youll have a blast, think of it as a WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD CLARKE party" Raven added smiling way too much, Although she listened to the both of them persuade her into coming she had already known the answer would be yes since she'd be able to have something to start a conversation with Lexa with whenever she had the chance to that is.

\----  
Lexa woke up and looked at her clock, 9:36 am, she had expected to sleep in a little longer but the buzzing of her phone awoken her. She grabbed her phone half asleep and scrolled through her notifications, tweets from her favorite band asking if they were ready for tonights concert, multiple texts from Anya explaining how adorable Gustus looked, which honestly they should just hook up already or even better date, and as she was finally almost done scrolling she stumbled upon Gustus' text message. "Gustus sent you 30 pictures" she read to herself, she slid her finger across her phone to see the picture that he had sent her and holy shit did that wake Lexa up as she quickly got up and scrolled through all 30 pictures of Clarke least expecting it dressed as this rocker chick, Lexa controlled her breathing as she read the text message sent right after the pictures "Bet you wished you came to school today huh heda? So im guessing todays topic for dressup was rocker chick. She seemed disappointed that you werent here to see but oh well. Ready for the concert tonight, pick you up at 7." Lexa hit her forehead multiple times with her phone cursing at herself for not going to school, if she had only known that Clarke would dress up as this really hot rocker chick then she wouldve dragged her ass out of her bed and stared at how hot Clarke looked and maybe possibly even make a few remarks here and there right to her face. Instead of replying to Gustus and telling him how much she envied him she quickly got up and ran downstairs, she was hungry for something, well hungry for Clarke but hungry for food too. 

She was about to turn the corner of the stairs when she spots Indra standing by the kitchen counter looking through mails, "Fuck" she whispers to herself as she had thought that Indra would be at work all day. She was about to sneak back into her room before Indra called out to her, "Come here Lexa, I know you skipped school today, Anya told me, I'll let this one slide since you haven't gotten yourself into trouble all week" still looking through the mail she just stood there, Lexa approached the kitchen carefully just in case she was hit with a surprising lecture or sudden movement that Indra gives out. She quietly and quickly grabs a bowl of cereal and heads to the living room, she sits down on her couch and flips through the channel trying to find an entertaining enough show to get her through 10 hours before leaving for the concert. "So who's this Clarke that Anya has been telling me about?" Indra surprisingly says as she walks up to Lexa and sits beside her, Lexa stiffens up and is frozen halfway through putting a spoonful of cereal in her mouth, "w-what do you mean?" Lexa says trying to be calm about it, "As in are you interested in her?" Indra says not breaking contact from the show that Lexa had left on the screen. It was two brothers running around town looking for monsters to defeat, trying to save the world by killing supernatural things. "You could tell me you know, I'm here for that reason" Indra adds on still looking at the screen, "I know" Lexa says dropping the spoon into her bowl and placing it on her lap gently, Lexa sighs "I actually dont even know if I'm developing feelings or not, we just talked once, and honestly i feel like if i do accept these feelings again, itd leave me back where i was before.. you know.. after Costia.." Indra looks away from the screen and smiles at Lexa "No two people are the same, she won't be like Costia, that i can assure you, if you like her go for it, don't let fear get in the way" and as Lexa was about to thank her for the advice she had given her, Indra gets up and grabs her keys "I'm going to work, have fun at the concert, be home by 2!" She yells as she shuts the front door behind her. Lexa relaxes a bit more after she leaves and replays what Indra has said to her, Indra isnt much to give out advice but when she does Lexa always remembers them, knowing that Indra is never wrong about something, about anything. 

9 hours of flipping through channels, baking goods, and practicing her guitar skills it was finally time for Lexa to get ready, she had her outfit planned out for about a month now. ALL BLACK, just the way she liked it. An hour of getting ready Gustus finally arrives and she heads off to the concert. "You know i nearly died, when you sent me those pictures of Clarke" Lexa said as she got into Gustus' car. "I know, thats why i sent them" he said grinning at her as if he knew something, which he did, he had known that Clarke was going to the same concert that they were making their way to, he had known since he overheard them talking on the bus, and as Lexa's bestfriend it was his duty to not tell her. "You know, you confuse me, why do you take the bus when you have car?" Lexa asked again for like the 300th time whenever Gustus drives them somewhere, "I've said this a million times, I like the bus, especially when Anya takes it with you, just let me be Heda!" he said jokingly as he honked the horn multiple times to show his fake annoyance. 

\--- 

Clarke was standing in front of her closet trying to figure out what clothes to wear to the concert, she was trying to figure out fast since she knew her friends would be on their way, and of course they were. As Clarke still tried to decide she hears multiple footsteps bombard her staircase into her room "You've got to be kidding me!" Octavia says as she opens Clarke's door, "You aren't ready yet?" Raven says confused to why since they had texted her half an hour ago, "Sweet room" Finn points out as he flops down on Clarke's bed, "Bathroom?" Bellamy asked as Octavia points to the direction, Octavia has been over at Clarke's house multiple times throughout the week to finally have mastered her house and memorized where everything was. While everyone kept talking about the concert and how awesome it was going to be, Abby's scream and cursing is heard from upstairs, Clarke looking at her friends confused all yell out "Jasper and Monty!" as they all laugh and run downstairs to see Jasper's hand stuck in one of Abby's favorite vase and Monty with a hammer in one hand with the vase in the other trying to calm Jasper down. Everyone laughs at the scene and Abby's glares shuts them all up, "Guys help out these two idiots, while Raven and I figure out what Clarke's going to wear" Octavia says saving everyone as usual. The guys approach Jasper and Monty and try to help them while the girls go through Clarke's closet, 10 minutes of looking they finally find the right outfit, black skinny jeans, a white tank top and a leather jacket. 

As Clarke, Octavia, and Raven head downstairs they are surprised to see Abby calmly sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in hand facing the opposite direction of the broken glass on the floor. Clarke quickly drags everyone out as she noticed her mother giving her a look. As they all laughed and talked about how stupid Jasper and Monty were, Clarke knew that she would not be able to let them in the house for awhile. "So who do you think is going to be sent up the stage?" Monty asked glancing over at Raven and Finn, "Well considering how Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, and Finn had their chance i just hope its me" Jasper points out, "What you guys were chosen?" Clarke asked, shocked expression on her face but an eager look. "Yea last year's concert was Octavia and Lincoln, they were eying each other the whole night and surprisingly they were picked, and the year before that Finn and I and honestly we were already secretly hooking up so it was nice to come out as a couple through a Reapers concert" Raven stated kissing Finn on the cheek. "By the way O, where's lover boy?" Finn asked looking over at Octavia, with his arms still wrapped around Raven's waist. "Ugh don't get me started, he has to deal with something first so he said he'll meet us there" Octavia stated but still looked happy as ever. 

They finally got to the concert, they walk into the underground club where the concert is being held and Clarke is shocked at the amount of people that were there, she had known it was a concert and had known that thered be alot of people but she did not expect there to be a lot more than she had expected. She looks around at how people were dressed and she were thankful that she had listened to Octavia and Raven. She breathes one big breath before following her friends, she had promised herself and her mom that she would let lose. As she was walking through the crowd, she is hit in the face with a feeling in her stomach like someone had just stabbed her as she looks over at the crowd pointing at her laughing, "Shit, no,no,no,no" Clarke whispered to herself as she remembered those faces. They were the faces the made fun of her, those faces that caused her to move schools, those faces that made her skip school for a month, they were the cruel girls that caused her to cry herself to sleep, and the odds that they were going to be at this concert were slim well until now. Clarke stops dead in her tracks as they start to approach her, she looks around for her friends and they're gone, she had lost them and did not know which direction they went, she was kinda glad that they lost her, then they wouldn't see how pathetic these girls treated her, she did not want to be pitied. "Well looky here girls, Clarke, what school have you gotten yourself into now?" One of the girls said, the leader of the group "Who's the guy that you slept with to get into this concert" another girl said as she shoved Clarke, Clarke stepped back biting her lip, dont cry she told herself, dont fucking cry. "Aww someone gonna cry?" another girl said as she stared at Clarke and shoved her some more, Clarke's eyes were watering and she didn't know if she could hold back the tears any longer. As the girl attempted to shove her once again she is stopped by this arm that grabs her wrist just before she can. "What the actual fuck! Mind your own business!" the girl yells at this other girl, and holy shit, the other girl was no other then Lexa, standing beside her, firm grip on the girl's wrist and a glare so soul sucking that even scared Clarke staring right at the girls. "This is my business.." Lexa says tightening her grip on the girl, Lexa steps forward still gripping on the girls wrist, "How would you like it, if i made you cry?" Lexa said eyebrow raising as she still glared at girls who looked surprisingly scared considering their egos were bigger than their boobs. Lexa finally lets go of the girls wrist and the girls run off and get lost into the crowd, "You didn't have to.." Clarke says looking down still trying to hold back the tears, but smile approaching as she thinks about how hot Lexa looked saving her. "I didn't have to that i know, but i wanted to" Lexa says placing her thumb on Clarke's chin and making sure that Clarke and her were eye to eye. "You okay there princess?" Lexa asked, sincerity in her eyes. Clarke still hasn't quite figured out why Lexa called her princess, but she didn't want to ask ruining the moment. They looked into one another, eye to eye, and thats when it hits Lexa. The feelings that she was trying to avoid, are the feelings shes feeling for Clarke. As for Clarke she already knew the unsurprising feeling she got when she was closer to Lexa then ever. "I like you." Clarke blurts out, and it shocks her more then it shocks Lexa, she did not know where those words came from and she did not know how it came about. Clarke looks up at Lexa and shes standing there grinning at Clarke, no response to what she just said, hoping that she just dreamt what she said outloud and had not really said anything. 

Moments after Clarke's friends approach "There you are!" Octavia says but shuts up as she notices Lexa holding Clarke's chin. Lexa quickly lets go and walks away. "What was that about?" Octavia asked, and Clarke still in shock to what she had just said shrugged watching Lexa leave. "ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING READY? WHERE THE REAPERS AND WERE HERE TO ROCK YOUR NIGHT!! BUT BEFORE THAT, LETS CHOOSE THE TWO LUCKY PEOPLE!" and multiple screams were heard and Clarke didn't mind she was still watching the direction that Lexa had gone. 

\--- 

Lexa walked away from Clarke when her friends approached, she was trying to replay over and over the words "I like you" that came from Clarke's mouth just a moment ago, "Stupid Lexa! why the fuck didnt you say anything? stupid! stupid! stupid!" Lexa told herself, as she was getting upset at herself she hears the Reapers and quickly tries to forget what just happened. She's ready to forget everything when a bright light hits her "You there! you're person number 1!!" the lead singer of Reapers blurts out onto the mic. Lexa took a whole second to process everything before jumping up and down and making her way onto the stage, she realized how lucky she was, the pictures of Clarke to wake up to first thing in the morning, Indra not getting upset about her skipping school, the concert, Clarke telling her she liked her, and now being chosen by her favorite band, the only thing that would make this lucky day even more perfect is if they choose Clarke as well. "And you're lucky person number two!!" they scream out and Lexa looks over to where the light is shown, and as her excited smile disappears on her face, she bolts off the stage. She didn't care that her favorite band chose her, she didn't care that she was on stage standing right beside them, that face she saw under the bright light, that's the face she hasn't seen in 2 years, the face that she tried to forget, the face that she so hated for breaking her heart, the face that belonged to Costia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this so far :)


	4. NOT A CHAPTER!! just a note

i wont be updating today since i was really busy and its about 2 am here right now and am too tired to update. my apologies. i will update later when i get home from school. i hope you guys are liking this so far, my writing skills are very poor and not as good which why i am practicing to do better. i really like the feedback im getting for this thank you guys soo much :) if you have any questions or ideas for any stories you want you can hit up my tumblr at lowkeyartstudent.tumblr.com, thank you! :) - PEACE OUT


	5. Chapter 5 - Feelings, They Fuck You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :-)

She replayed it over and over again in her head, the "i like you" and Lexa walking away, Lexa being chosen by Reapers to be up on stage, Lexa smiling and looking the happiest she's ever seen her, then her herself being chosen, Lexa frowning, Lexa bolting off the stage, and everyone confused. She tried to process everything and figure out whats wrong, she was crying now, she didn't realize until she felt hands, not hers, wiping off each tear that falls, Octavia. 

"Clarke? Clarke you okay?" She asked over and over again. 

Everyone looked at Clarke, she was frozen in place, light still shining above her head, everyone quiet. 

Clarke still crying, still frozen, listened to everything everyone said, whispers of "i feel so bad for her" and "what happened" everyone at the concert was talking about her, she was embarrassed. "Do you want to leave?" Octavia asked in an attempt to get Clarke's breathing back to normal which she did not realize. 

Clarke sighs, looks up at the bright light above her, "I-I just want some air, ill be right back" she says running a hand through her hair, "Do you want me to come?" Octavia asked, "No" was all Clarke said and she began walking to the exit. 

Clarke still played everything in her head, she was trying real hard to find an explanation, when really she wanted Lexa to explain it to her, tell her everything was a mistake and that she liked her back too, but her bolting off the stage when she was chosen, that was what stopped her from thinking that Lexa even feels the slightest feeling for her. She wipes off the remaining tears on her face and sighs once again, the concert had resumed the moment she left the spotlight. Clarke walks outside and feels a bit more relaxed once she breathes in the air that hits her face. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she heard a familiar voice yell. 

"Stop yelling at me. We both know why I'm here.." another voice said, but did not sound familiar at all. "I'M NOT FUCKING SURE I DO.." 

Clarke walks slowly to the alley beside the club, her eyes widen as she sees a girl's back facing her direction hovering over Lexa who had her back on the brick wall cigarette in hand. Clarke wasn't sure what she was more surprised about, the cigarette in hand, the fact that she hadn't run for good, or that there was another girl in front of the girl she liked clinging on to her like some lost puppy. She wanted to go over there and take what's hers, but that's the thing it wasn't hers and it never will be. 

"I..I still love you.." the unfamiliar girl said, and Clarke didn't know if some great force from above weighed her down or if the feeling she was feeling after hearing that broke her, she didn't want to know. She was crying again, but she never left, although she knew it would hurt her she still stayed there hoping that the answer that Lexa gives was a mere "I dont.." but it wasn't life was no fairytale especially for her. Life wasn't going to give her the happy ending she wants, it was going to fuck her up until it can't anymore. 

"It's been 2 years" Lexa whispered, loud enough for Clarke to hear in the distance. "I tried, but Gustus, he wouldn't, and Anya.. don't even get me started. I knew you would be here, that's why i came." Silence filled the air, she could hear every single sigh that Lexa gave out trying to find the right words to say. 

"I. I don't know what to say" Lexa said, her face flat but tears filled her eyes, its like you could almost see right through her. As Clarke hoped that the conversation had ended and she would be able to ask Lexa for an explanation, a sudden movement happens, that both shocked Lexa and Clarke making the blonde cringe. The unfamiliar girl leaning against Lexa, lips touching, eyes closed, one arm on the wall and the other exploring the girl that Clarke wanted to explore first, "Wow" Clarke said and at the moment those words slipped out of her mouth, its as if you could hear every piece of her break, tears are running down faster and breathing even more uncontrollable now, its as if the remaining pieces that stayed attached after being broken multiple times had finally shattered inside of her causing her to feel tremendous pain that she could not bear. "Clarke.." Lexa says breaking the kiss as she spots her in the dark corner of the alley, frozen in place staring at them. 

The unfamiliar girl steps aside and watches as Lexa slowly approached the girl that Lexa had called Clarke. Somehow she knew that kissing the girl she once loved 2 years ago and surprisingly still love now became the biggest mistake of her life. She could see it, see it in Lexa movements, Lexa eyes, the way her voice changed when she talked to her, it was the Lexa she had met right before they fell in love, it was this Lexa that she had broken and took advantage of. And now she realizes it, the Lexa that she loves is now in love with someone else, someone who wasn't her. And seeing how the blonde girl looked so broken and hurt from what she had just witnessed made her want to step up, say something, but what could she say other than 'im sorry i kissed her, but i couldn't help it, i don't regret it.' She had no right to talk, no right to say anything, she knew that the blonde loved Lexa back too, she just hadn't known that Lexa found someone else better than her, she should've known, it's been 2 years there's no way she couldve waited for her without hearing a word from her. 

"Clarke, it's not what it looks like" Lexa said her voice sounding broken, she didn't want to hurt Clarke, had no intention to. 

"funny how i've heard those exact words before.." Clarke said, she was trying not to show how hurt she was, she wanted to look stronger, look like the bigger person. "I'm just going to look for O and go home" she turns around tear filled eyes, she wanted to stay and hear her explanation but what good will come out of it for her, she saw everything, she saw it happen, it looked exactly like how it looked, she saw it with her own eyes. 

Clarke walked up to the front of the entrance of the club, and right there her friends waiting for her. "WHERE THE FUCK DID YO--" Octavia yelled but as she was face to face with Clarke, she could see how broken she was, she could see how she's trying so hard to hide it, only to look even more vulnerable. "Let's go home, I'll sleepover tonight" Octavia said patting the back of her friend. They all called a cab, the drive home was silent everyone looking at Clarke, pitying her, she didn't like it but she didn't want to talk, so she just sat beside Octavia the whole time her head on her shoulder tears falling. 

\--- 

Lexa watched as the girl she liked walked away from her, broken and hurt she could tell, as she watched her walk away its as if she was watching herself 2 years ago walking away from the same scene she had seen. "I'm sorry" Costia said from behind, Lexa clenched her jaw, she was pissed and confused "FUCK YOU!" was all she could say, she wasn't as mad at Costia as she was with herself for hurting Clarke. 

"I didn't know" Costia said, voice still stern. 

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FOR EVERYTHING." Lexa blurted out again, she was crying now, she didn't care if Costia saw, nothing new. 

"Stop yelling at me, i told you, i had no idea" Costia's voice was cracking now, she couldn't be stern when the person she loves is hurting her with words she did not want to hear. 

"YOU MANAGED TO FUCK UP MY LIFE 2 YEARS AGO, AND HERE WE ARE 2 YEARS LATER AND SOMEHOW YOU FUCK IT UP EVEN MORE, THANK YOU" Lexa yelled, she was too pissed to even look at Costia. She couldnt see the tears falling down Costia's cheek, couldnt see how she was hurting Costia as well, but she didn't care to look she was too pissed at herself. 

As the two cried in silence for a few minutes Gustus appears thankful for finding Lexa. "SHIT THERE YOU ARE WHY THE FU-" he cuts himself off as he sees Costia behind her, "WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?" he said approaching Lexa quickly as he finally noticed her crying. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO FUCK UP NOW? WHY CANT YOU TAKE A HINT.. SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU, SHE NEVER EVER WILL AGAIN, YOU HURT HER TOO MUCH AND IVE TOLD YOU THAT.." Gustus said wrapping his arms around Lexa. As soon as Lexa felt arms around her she fell onto them and let herself cry. All the tears she's bottled up for 2 years finally burst out, "I wanted to hear it from her, when i hear it from her than ill believe it and then ill leave for good" Costia said wiping her face dry. 

Lexa got up from Gustus, she turned around and faced Costia it was the first she ever saw her vulnerable, it was the first she ever saw her cry, and for some reason she couldnt help but feel guilty but still she kept a flat expression. "I don't love you" she said staring at the girl with nothing but hatred in her eyes, "never did after you ran away and left, never will again" she knew that was a lie, it took her 1 year and half to fully get over her and yet here she is now confused about how she felt or feels for Costia, but she wouldnt let her know that, she didn't want the chance of her lingering in her life again, she wanted Clarke and only Clarke. 

She gave the girl she once loved one final look, as if she was finally saying goodbye and letting go of all the feelings she had felt for and left. She left her there in tears, left her there vulnerable in a dark alley at possibly 12 am, she didn't care, why would she, when she did the same to her 2 years ago she never once turned back and looked at her, she just left her in an alley all vulnerable at 2 am with some girl that wasn't her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like this one, it's short i know, im sorry.


	6. Remember The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have been really busy, so i apologize for not updating earlier, hope you guys are enjoying this.

Lexa woke up with thumping in her head, she groaned as she tried to remember the night - breaking Clarke's heart, yelling and leaving Costia, running to a bar at 3 am and drinking the night away - she was certain she had made her way home and was safely sitting on her bed but as she observed the room around her, the unfamiliar room with clean walls she knew it wasn't hers. She looked around the room and saw her clothes on the floor, the clothes she wore last night. She looked down on herself, the blankets covering her bare skin, she was naked and she didn't even notice. As she tried really hard to remember the night her head pounds harder and flashes of what she remembers from last night hits her - girl, drinking, bed, flirting, kissing, and more drinking - she picks up her clothes and slowly puts them on trying not to make her world spin any harder as its already spinning uncontrollably. She picks up her jacket last, pulls out her phone - 2:58 pm - she read and the brightness of her phone makes her head pound harder, her phone was at 10% and multiple messages and missed calls..

 **Gustus:** Heda, where are you? - 1:02 am  
  
 **Anya:** You better come home soon, Indra is pissed. - 1:33 am   
  
**Gustus:** Anya's calling me asking where you are, where the fuck are you? - 1:50 am 

Lexa sighed as she knew how much shit she's gotten herself into, she scrolled through more messages until she gets a message from a number she was unfamiliar with..   
  
**243 223 3423:** It's Octavia, i know you personally Lex.. we were friends before, please explain to me why Clarke saw you kissing Costia, from what i heard you guys were done. I know you like her, its obvious, but whyd you do that?

Lexa pulls her hair away from her face and puts her phone away, she didn't want to deal with any of this, right now she wanted to figure out where she's at and go home and possibly explain everything to Indra. She leaves the room and observes what she sees, looking at the apartment in front of her she notices how organized everything was, definitely not someone she knew. She approached the picture frames hung on the wall and observes them, she remembers the girl from last night - bright blue eyes, blonde hair - she cringes as the thought of how similar she was to Clarke, god even drunk she wanted Clarke or any form of Clarke that is.

She walks into the kitchen and sees a note placed neatly near a pill and a key - _I went to work, here's a pill for the migraine. I had a fun night, i hope to meet you again somehow. Lock the door when you leave and place the key under the carpet, or keep it and come back if you like.. ~ W -_ She quickly swallows the pill and takes the key, she left the apartment and left the key, she definitely did not want to be back.

She calls Gustus hoping to get a ride home.

"Heda! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Im fine. Pick me up please."

"Are you ok? Where'd you stay the night?"

"like i said, im fine, just pick me up"

She gave the details of where she was to Gustus and hung up, it took him about half an hour to get there. She gets in the car and the whole ride home was silent, "Do you want to go home? or do you want to go for a drink?" Gustus asked, and even the sound of the word drink made Lexa cringe and nauseous. 

"You hurt her pretty bad.." Gustus mentioned.

"She deserved it."

"Not Costia, Clarke.."

"I..It wasnt even my fault, Costia kissed me, i didnt see her there.."

"You know she was chosen, the reapers chose her."

And as Lexa heard that her heart stops beating and her world felt like it was turned upside down.. "What do you mean?" she said turning to face Gustus as he drives.

"The reapers chose her, and you bolted just like that and at first i was really confused and pissed at you for being a pussy like i thought you liked her, but then i saw you with Costia, and it became clear.. you saw her before you saw Clarke didnt you.."

As she heard those words she felt tears run down, she was surprised she still had tears in her eyes when she thought she wasted them all last night.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!" Lexa blurts out hitting the car trying to take her anger out on something that wouldn't hurt her. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked Gustus who by now stopped the car in front of a house.. "I tried, you left.. but you really did break her, she stood in there with the crowd staring at her as if she did something wrong, she was shocked.." Lexa feels her heart breaking as she listened to more details of how she broke Clarke, she looks out the window and stares at the unfamiliar house that she did not recognize.. "Where are we?" she asked.

And with those words they somehow lit up Gustus as this wild grin appears on his face, "What kind of friend would i be.. if i leave you to mourn any longer.." he said as he leans to the back of his car "you are going to go in there, and explain everything whether you like it or not.. and i will wait here and will only leave once i hear both of you moaning" he said smiling at her with mischievous eyes as he hands her a bouquet of flowers and his guitar. "What's this for?" Lexa asked, "Flowers.. are for Octavia since im pretty fucking sure she's in there with your girlfriend and she's probably really fucking pissed at you for breaking Clarke's heart, and the guitar is for Clarke.. so you could serenade her and win her heart AGAIN" 

"But i haven't sang in so long.."

"Heda, lets be honest here.. Clarke has given you so much within a week, i see you happier than ever, i see you coming to school often, you aren't getting yourself into trouble, for fuck sakes you even faced the girl that broke you into a million pieces like it was nothing.. and plus you left your journal alone once and i know you've been getting back into song writing, you could do this, i know you could.." He said as he pushes the guitar towards the girl who seemed scared yet frankly amused at the sight of her bestfriend encouraging her in the most ironic way.

She grabbed the guitar and flowers and walked to the front door, she took a deep breath before she knocked on the door, and just as Gustus suspected she is met with Octavia "Hi.." Lexa says as she's met with Octavia's grin, "I knew you fucking liked her.. i called it out, but you're a fucking bitch" She said and before she could say more Lexa hands her the flowers "from Gus" the girl lights up as she takes the flowers in hand, "She's sleeping right now, but i give you permission to approach her in her kingdom and awake her with a song" Octavia says in a sing song way.

Lexa takes a deep breath and enters the house, she follows Octavia to Clarke's room and she's surprised as she sees empty beer bottles, pizza boxes and tissues on the floor scattered around the sleeping beauty, Clarke looked so peaceful sleeping but it was obvious how much she had cried since her eyes were swollen and red. Lexa clenches her jaw as the thought of making the blonde girl cry, she hated herself she wanted to hug her.

"Ignore the mess, she was heartbroken by you.." Octavia said before leaving the room and closing the door from behind.

Lexa didn't know how she was going to approach this, she didn't even know how she was going to wake her up, this was no movie or fairytale, she can't just come in here and sweep her off her feet after just breaking her heart, well atleast thats what she thought. She takes a deep breath and sits on the bed across from the sleeping blonde. And as she starts to play the guitar she is reminded of how long its been since she actually ever played anything, so she played the only song she remembers how to play.. - Hate me by blue october - She starts to sing and the moment she does Clarke awakens from her sleep and is shocked at the sight of Lexa playing the guitar and singing, she sits up and the moment she does she laughs as lexa sings the words "playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home.." she couldnt control how Lexa made her feel even hours after just breaking her heart, she was glad she was there, she was glad she was singing,but tears fall down her face as Lexa sings the words "Hate me today... hate me tomorrow.. hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.. hate me in ways.. yea, ways hard to swallow.. hate me so you could finally see whats good for you.." and before she could control herself she pressed her lips against the girl she was dying to kiss since the very beginning. With no surprise the girl kisses back, deepening the kiss forcing their bodies onto one another as if the word personal space never existed "I like you too.." Lexa says as she breaks the kiss to breathe but quickly kisses her again, somehow Lexa had felt lost for as long as she could remember, and now as she's kissing Clarke she feels like she's found herself, found where she wanted to be, found who she wanted to be with, she didn't want the moment to end. 

"Remember that promise i made.. well i'm a person who stays true to their words and i hear that you like a girl who keeps her promises.." Clarke mentions before resuming the kiss. ( lmao, would you look at that Lexa singing, lexa playing the guitar.. Clarke should be really fucking turned on then? i mean like she did say that she would fuck her if she were to sing and play the guitar for her..)


	7. Dont run away again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really long wait for the update, (P.S i had to write this a second time because my computer shut down right when i wrote it the first time so this is probably really shitty..) :)

Octavia was in the living room watching netflix when she hears Clarke's mom's car pull up "shit" she says as she checks her phone - 10:43 pm - she quickly runs up to Clarke's room. She takes a big deep breath before opening her friends door, not knowing what could be behind the door "Okay O! this is your time to shine! Its okay if you see 2 naked girls, theyre your friends and will probably not attack you for disturbing them,, just yeaup just quickly get in and get out!" she tells herself, she walks in and to her surprise the room was clean - pizza boxes stacked on top of each other sitting in the corner, beer bottles aligned neatly beside them - and Clarke sleeping on her bed. 

"Yes Octavia?" Lexa whispered getting up from the chair beside Clarke's bed, "Is there a problem?"  
"Oh i just thought,, like i mean, uh Clarke's mom, she's back.. home i mean, she's downstairs" she whispered.  
"I should probably get going then.." she grabs the guitar and gives Ocatavia a reassuring smile. 

"Thanks by the way, Clarke really does like you." Octavia says as she sits beside Clarke, brushing her hands through her hair. Lexa smiles and walks downstairs, she is met by Clarke's mom. "I thought Octavia was the only one sleeping over tonight, are you a friend of Clarke's?" the woman said smiling. "Uh yea, but i'm not sleeping over, i was just about to leave" Lexa says trying to smile as much as possible (she tends to give out this resting bitch face that she can't control) "I think your ride is here? I saw him outside, although he's sleeping in the car?" the woman says - "Fuck" Lexa whispers as she realizes that Gustus was still waiting outside, of course he wouldn't just leave - "Your name?" the woman asked, "L-Lexa" Lexa stuttered, she has never been nervous around someone before, but it all made sense since this was Clarke's mom. "Oh, the Lexa?" the woman says raising an eyebrow at her - "THE LEXA?" what is that suppose to mean? did Clarke tell her mom about her? - "I'm Abby by the way, Clarke's mom if you didn't already guess or something, i had a really long day at work but it was nice meeting you" the woman says as she smiles at Lexa and lets her pass by out of the house.

Lexa walked out and walked over to the side of Gus' car, she looks through the window as she sees how Gustus has his head laid back dangling with his mouth open wide, he is in fact asleep.

She abruptly bangs the window which has Gus jumping up from his sleep, "Fuck Heda, you gave me a heart attack!" Gus said trying to catch his breath. "So how'd it go? considering how you took a really long time to win her back, did you guys do the deed?" He said smirking at her.

\--- 

Sunday Morning Lexa woke up earlier than usual, now she didn't mind that she slept at 3 am, she doesn't mind that she woke up at 6 am, it doesn't even annoy her that she had slept for only 3 hours. Today was special, she was going to go on her first date with Clarke. She planned on taking her on a picnic and singing her a song, she still had to make up for hurting her. 

As soon as Lexa got out of bed she quickly texted Gus "Come over ASAP please" and sent. 

The only downfall about this date that Lexa had planned out.. was that she doesn't know how to cook or make anything other than cereal, good thing she had Gustus to help her out. "Be there in 5" he replied back. 

Lexa made herself a bowl of cereal as she waited for Gus. She felt uneasy about this date, she felt uneasy about Clarke. She still had that lingering thought of that drunken night after the concert, and the fact that she could barely remember anything made it worse. The longer she kept it to herself the more it made her feel like shit, she still hasn't even told Gustus yet. She knew Gus assumed something happened when he picked her up at the apartment the next day.. but she never told him and he never asked. 

Exactly 5 mins after Gus texted Lexa he came with a bag filled with groceries, "You know Heda, for someone who came up with the idea of having a picnic i would have assumed they would atleast know how to make sandwiches.." Gustus joked. 

"Shut up! its not my fault that i suck at making sandwiches, theyre pretty hard idk what flavors go with what" Lexa said actually being serious. Gustus just laughed at her "It's okay Heda you got me to help you" he said grabbing the ingredients one by one, Lexa showed him her gratitude by kissing him on the cheek - Gustus knows well enough that he shouldn't look into her kissing him since she often did it - "now go get ready or something while i prepare this for you" Gustus said gesturing for Lexa to leave him alone (Gustus takes his cooking seriously) 

Lexa heads upstairs and is stopped at the sight of Anya peeing with the washroom door wide open, "Ew Anya!" she half joked knowing that she does the same. "Oh shut up, nothing you haven't seen before" Anya responded back, "Is Gustavo here?" She asked, "Yea he's downstairs making food. "Sweet! im starving!" Anya said running down the stairs,

Lexa closes the door behind her and plops on her bed, the thought of that drunken night was still lingering, she tried really hard to remember exactly what had happened but all she could remember was waking up naked on a strangers bed with the biggest migraine ever. "Fuck.. how could i be so stupid!" she told herself, she didn't want to ruin what she had with Clarke, especially when its just about to start. As Lexa tried real hard to remember what happened she got dressed and locked her room door. "Ok Lex, you just have to go there, ask the girl what happened, then go home and figure out what you'll do next" She had this plan set up, that she'd hopefully remember where the apartment was, she wanted to get the information she needed, she wanted to fill those black outs with something. 

Lexa quickly snuck out from the window, she found the nearest bus stop and tried hard to remember the location of the apartment. And after one very long hard process of connecting with her drunk thoughts she finally found the apartment, now it wasn't hard to find the floor and room number since she was conscious when she left it. "The apartment from that drunken night.." she whispered to herself, Lexa checked the time, 8:04. She still had hours before her date with Clarke, so she wasn't nervous about missing it. 

Lexa takes a deep breath before knocking on the door and after what seemed like 4 long silent seconds later she hears the door unlock. "Lexa?" The unfamiliar yet familiar blonde said looking at her confused, "You're back? Did you want or forget something?" She added, "Who is it?" a familiar voice called out from inside the apartment, "Oh, just a friend" The blonde said staring Lexa up and down. Lexa hears a feet shuffling in the background when "LEXA?!" Clarke called out from behind the other blonde, "W-what are you doing here?" She asked. Lexa shocked, at the sight of Clarke in the apartment from that drunken night couldn't say a word, she just stared at Clarke as she tried to pick out the words to explain herself. "Woah you know each other?" the blonde asked, "yea that's the girl i told you about.." Clarke says, "thats THE LEXA? woah THE LEXA is the one that slept over here after that reapers concert.." the blonde said staring at Clarke and then at Lexa. "S-Sleep over?" Clarke repeated and at that moment you could see the jealousy in Clarke's eyes. (we didn't even have a sleepover yet.. Clarke thought.) 

Lexa who was uncomfortably staring at the two blondes tried to think of words to help her explain herself, but she couldn't the words were all jumbled in her head. 

As Lexa had enough she was about to do what she does best, she was about to run away again, she didn't know what to say, she doesn't even know what happened that drunken night to even explain herself. Lexa staring at Clarke looked away and started to bolt, but before she could get far Clarke caught up with her yanking her from the wrist which caused Lexa to spin, facing Clarke. "You are not running away from me again.." Clarke said with a firm grip on Lexa's wrist. "You can't just hurt me again and then run away, because if you do, i don't think ill forgive you" Clarke said calmly but you could tell by staring in her eyes how betrayed she felt, how jealous she was, and how angry she was at Lexa for trying to run away again, but she liked Lexa enough to let her explain herself, she just hoped that what ever it is that she has to explain won't hurt her at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys want to talk to me, hit me up with a msg on tumblr, my tumblr is lowkeyartstudent.tumblr.com


	8. Drunk Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Lexa/Jealous Clarke/That Apartment From That Drunken Night After The Reapers Concert/'Cuddling'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's hints about sexual abuse on this chapter, so if that triggers you please don't read on, i don't want to cause any triggers to happen! Sorry.

5 minutes, 5 long minutes of silence, 5 long minutes of Clarke staring at Lexa waiting for her to explain herself, 5 long minutes of Lexa trying to figure out what to say to her. 

"Look, if you don't want to tell me what happened.. you don't have to, we weren't even dating at that moment, we aren't even dating at all, so you don't have to tell me anything, we could just forget this.. forget it all happened.." Clarke spoke up, she couldn't take the silence anymore. 

"It's none of my business anyway.." she added, but that was a lie, she wanted to know, she wanted her to tell her, even if it meant that it'd break her. 

"I do want to tell you, Clarke." Lexa finally spoke up. 

"I.. i just don't know exactly what to tell you" she stared at Clarke but then quickly avoided eye contact. She looked around the room they were in, this was definitely the room she woke up in, they were definitely sitting on the bed she woke up naked on. 

"just tell me, did you or did you not sleep with her?" Clarke said voice cracking, she couldn't say it confidently, she couldn't even say it angrily. 

Lexa looks up at her, then glances on the bed then looks back at her again. "Oh my god I'm sitting on the bed you guys slept on didn't you?!" Clarke said quickly standing up, anger forming in her voice. 

"Technically you're sitting on the bed i woke up naked on.." Lexa said, for some reason the thought of that made her blush. "To be honest Clarke, i don't really know what happened, i woke up.. here.. naked, but all i could remember were blurs of a really blurry night" She said looking up at Clarke, Clarke after hearing that sat down on the bed again this time sitting closer to Lexa. 

"I don't remember much, all i remember is that i drank too much.." Lexa said, she felt guilty for being so stupid yet at the same time she felt good that she was talking to Clarke about it. 

Clarke who stared at the floor thinking looked up at Lexa then stood up, "you really don't remember anything?" she asked and Lexa shook her head. 

Clarke leaves the room without a word, "Fuck." Lexa told herself plopping on the bed, she fucked up, she knows it, she fucked up real bad. 

"Ok Wendy i want you to tell us exactly how Lexa ended up here.. at your apartment, that night after the reapers concert.." Clarke said dragging the blonde into the room. (Lexa took note that the blonde's name was Wendy) 

"You really don't remember? i mean i wouldn't be surprised considering how you like drank so much.." Wendy said grabbing a chair and sitting across from Lexa, Clarke follows along and sits beside Lexa on the bed. 

"Ok well first off, i was working at the bar as usual, and Lexa you came and ordered a drink, you looked pretty pissed and miserable so i thought you'd be of age and didn't ask for your id, which btw i totally regret not doing that since now i know you're like really underage." She said catching her breath then talking again, "Well then after like 4 shots you started talking, you mentioned something about 'fucking up so badly that you pushed the person you may actually have feelings for away' which i would guess you were talking about Clarke?" Lexa nods and looks at Clarke, she was concentrating on the story to even look at her. "You basically poured your soul on me, you told me what that bitch, Costia, did to you, you told me about your parents.." Lexa froze when Wendy mentioned her parents, she never talked to anyone about her parents, not even Costia, Gus, or Anya. "..and then you started talking about the girl you like, and you never mentioned her name but i still have a strong feeling it was about Clarke, you told me how you caught feelings for her without even realizing, how when you first glanced at her, you knew you wanted her.." Wendy went on and on not noticing how embarrassed Lexa was. 

Clarke looked at Lexa smiling at the expression written all over her face, she was embarrassed, but she looked cute. 

"Then after it was like closing time, and i asked you to go call someone to pick you up, and you told me that someone was outside already so i let you go, but then 10 minutes later i walk outside and your on the floor crying, you were crying about Costia or something, you wanted to hate her but you couldn't" Lexa looks down, she remembers that, she remembers how if Wendy hadn't came out she would've called Costia to pick her up. "So you told me you didn't actually have anyone to get you so i brought you here, which then you totally thought was some hotel, i brought you to the guest room, so this room were in right now, and i left you alone to change but then like 30 seconds later i hear a bunch of noises and i walked in and you were completely naked.." Wendy stopped, the thought of her walking in on drunk Lexa naked made her laugh, which caused Clarke to crack a smile, but Lexa, she felt humiliated. 

"so don't worry Lexa, don't worry Clarke" she said putting her hand on both of their legs giving them both a reassuring smile. "Nothing happened between us, you were too drunk and too in love to even think about doing anything inappropriate" She said to Lexa, "You basically just fell asleep naked in my guest room, and i had to go to work the next day so i couldn't explain to you what happened the next day, i had no way of contacting you so i just left it alone since i knew you did noting wrong.. we did nothing" She said smiling at Lexa. 

"But i remember making out with someone?" Lexa said, which she completely regrets right after since what Wendy told her which Clarke could hear since she was right there, humiliated her. "Uhm i wouldn't say making out with a pillow would count" Wendy laughed then Clarke laughed. 

"Now if you guys excuse me, i have a very important phone call to make" Wendy said getting up and leaving the room, closing the door behind her. 

Clarke was still laughing and Lexa was still humiliated.

Clarke finally stopped laughing "So you were naked on this bed?" she asked smiling at Lexa. 

"You want me to demonstrate?" Lexa asked, Clark surprised at her response was out of words to even say yes, because fuck yea she wanted a demonstration if that meant that she would get to see Lexa naked. 

"How do you guys know each other?" Lexa asked, "She's my cousin, we're pretty close, she's been there for me, i visit her from time to time" Clarke said plopping on the bed she was sitting on, "You still want to go on our date?" Lexa asked checking her phone for the time - 10pm - "Could we just stay here and like talk? I just, i want to find out more about you if that's okay" Clarke asked looking at Lexa, she was smiling at her. "I mean you must've put a lot of effort into the picnic so we could still do that if you're down" Clarke added. "No i'd much rather talk with you than have a picnic, just give me a second, let me make a quick phone call" Lexa said leaving the room for a second to call Gusuts.

Gustus answered on the 2nd ring, "Let me guess? you don't know what to wear? do you want Anya to go up there and help you?" Gus said still having no clue that Lexa isn't even home. 

"Uhm, that won't be necessary exactly.." Lexa said, she felt bad that she made Gus wake up early to help her when in the end she wasn't even going to use it. 

"What now Heda?" 

"Uhm, I'm not home.. i snuck out" Lexa said waiting for Gus to yell at her. 

"You're at that apartment aren't you?" Gus said, surprising Lexa. 

"How'd you know?" 

"I know you well enough to know that you won't last long without much information.." Gus said, Lexa loved how well he knew her, "Plus you have your location on, on your phone, so like yea" he laughed, of course Lexa had her location on. 

"What do i do with the food?" Gus asked, 

Lexa thought for a good minute, then had the greatest idea "Give your phone to Anya!" She told Gus and he did. 

"Hello little miss 'i snuck out to see my girl friend because i couldn't wait for a few hours because i really wanna fuck her right there and then' what do you want?" Anya teased, Lexa sighed but couldn't help but somewhat know that half of that was true.

"I won't be needing the picnic anymore, so like do me a favor, have a picnic with Gus, kill 2 birds with one stone, you get food and it wont go to waste and i get to say thank you to Gus by setting him up on a date with you" Lexa waited for her reply, she doesn't see the smile on Anya's face, she was more than glad to go on a picnic with Gus. 

"Leave it to me, go have fun! Wear protection!" Anya joked and she hung up. 

\---- 

"What did she say?" Gustus asked Anya as he notices a grin appear on her face

"How would you like to go on a date with me?" Anya asked, "You're joking.." Gus said, shocked that she would even ask, but he was hoping it wasn't a joke. 

"I'm not, she won't need the picnic, so lets not bring it to waste and lets have a picnic of our own, just us, like a date" She smiled at him, he was turning red and he didnt even notice. 

"I'll go get ready just wait here" Anya smiled - Anya liked Gustus, she's liked him and found him interesting the very first day she met him, she just stopped herself from doing anything since he was Lexa's friend, stopped herself because she thought her younger sister had some huge crush on him (not knowing how gay Lexa actually was) - She left him in the kitchen with his mouth wide open in shock. 

After Gustus had the time to process everything he mentally took note to thank Lexa for setting this up, she always knew how to make him happy - the very first time Gustus had realized he had a thing with Anya was when he came over to Lexa's place once and Lexa wasn't there, but instead of leaving he stayed to wait for her and ended up having a conversation with Anya, he realized how much they have in common how much they care about Lexa - While he waited for her to get ready he neatly placed the food he prepared in picnic basket, he was excited he may not have been the one to ask Anya on a date first but still it was a date with Anya, and he would take that. 

\---- 

After making the phone call she walked back into the room and on the bed lay Clarke, she was on her phone texting, probably Octavia. Lexa walked up to the bed, hovering over Clarke, she was debating whether or not to sit beside her but instead she jumped and layed right beside her, a better choice then just sitting there. 

"Can i ask?" Clarke asked, still scrolling through her phone.

"Ask what?" Lexa asked, staring at Clarke, admiring her, God was she so pretty. 

"What happened to you, why your first instinct to anything that might cause you pain is to run away?" Clarke asked, she placed her phone down and shifted her position, she was now laying on her side with her arm propped so she could lay her head on it, she was staring at Lexa. 

Lexa sighed still staring at Clarke then looked up at the ceiling, "Wow, so you're the type to ask the tough questions first, not even going to ask what my favorite color is first?" Lexa joked, Clarke smiled "I really like you Lexa, and i want to know everything, trust me, but i want to understand you, so that if anything ever happens i wont do anything that'll hurt you or lose you, i just i feel like if we get the hard questions out of the way we could conquer anything after that you know?" Clarke said, grabbing Lexa's hand and holding it tightly. 

Lexa closes her eyes and sighs again, where would she even begin? 

"I was 4 when it all started i guess, my parents were really something, they weren't the best, and every time they did something.. you know.. something terrible to me, i would just run away.." Lexa stopped for a second, controlling her breathing, she was still staring at the ceiling, she didn't want Clarke to look at her with pity. 

".. and i guess it just all built up from there, i was too scared to talk to anyone, to get help or something, i thought it was normal, i thought what ever they were doing to me was normal.." Lexa said stopping, she was crying, remembering all those hurtful things the people she most cared about did to her how they caused her so much pain, pain that she could never let go of. 

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa, laying her head on her chest, "I'm sorry.." Clarke said, she shouldn't have asked, she should have never have asked. "Let's just not talk right now, let's just lie down here and just.. do what were doing right now" Lexa said, wiping the tears off her face and wrapping her arms around Clarke - Lexa wasn't the type to call what they were doing 'Cuddling' good thing too because Clarke isn't the type to call it that either - So they lay there, layed there in silence just holding each other, for the first time in so long, Lexa felt like she was loved - Now she knows she's loved by Gus, Anya, and Indra but the feeling that Clarke was giving Lexa was something they could never give her, it was the type of Love that Lexa craved the most, it was something that could lead to something better, (and from that moment Lexa realized how terrified she is that she might lose that feeling if she loses Clarke) - Lexa likes Clarke a lot, she finally accepts it now too.. "I like you too.." Lexa says. 

Clarke melts at the sound of Lexa saying she liked her, she hums at her response and closes her eyes, she didn't want to get up, not just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit up my tumblr and talk to me! :) Lowkeyartstudent.tumblr.com


	9. so tell me right now

It was the middle of the night when Clarke heard a banging from downstairs, her mom wasn't home - late night shift - so it was just her all alone.

Clarke got up and checks her phone - 2:04 am - "Who the fuck would be banging on my door at this time?" she told herself as she rubbed her eyes awake. She quickly runs downstairs and sees a figure looking through the window by her door. "Is she even awake? its 2 am for fucks sake" Clarke could hear muffled voices from behind the door. "just let's just see, who knows!"

Clarke grabs the nearest thing she could find that would be a suitable weapon (just in case) she grabs a candle, nice one Clarke. With a candle tightly gripped by her left hand, she walked up to the door slowly and calmly, she looked through the peephole to see if she could spot their faces, but all she could see were 2 black figures, it was too dark outside to tell who they were. She took a deep breath and quickly opened the door. "FUCK!" was what she heard before Gus and an unfamiliar girl fell right in front of her.

"Gustus?? it's 2 in the morning.." Clarke said half asleep, she was too sleepy to be upset and too sleepy to even process any of the things happening in front of her.

"Guessing since she was sleeping and took forever to open the door.. then Lexa isn't here, you were wrong.." The unfamiliar girl said, she sounded upset. - Of course she was upset, she has been out with Gustus all night looking for Lexa - "You're looking for Lexa?" Clarke asked, "Yea we thought she would be here" Gustus said, looking around Clarke's house for any clues of Lexa being there at all.

"Was she here at all?" The unfamiliar girl asked, "No, i mean she dropped me off this afternoon but she said she was heading home and that'd she would call me later… speaking of, she never did actually call me" Clarke said starting to get worried. "Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck where the fuck is she? Indra is going to kill both of us.." the unfamiliar girl said pulling out her phone, "Anya, calm down, we'll find her, it's Lexa, she knows what she's doing, plus we have until tomorrow, when Indra gets back from that business trip" Gustus said, "Anya?" Clarke asked, "Are you-"

"Yea, the one and only" Anya replied, she was on her phone texting Lexa, from all the messages on her phone she could tell that they'd been looking for her all night.

"Ok well listen Clarke, we're sorry we woke you up, we're just going to go and see if we could figure out where she went" Gustus said, he looked worried and tired you could tell how much he cared for her.

Clarke without a word ran upstairs, she quickly grabbed a sweater and her phone, she ran back downstairs panting. "I'm coming to help" She said as she grabbed the keys from the coffee table.

Before Gustus could stop her or say a word she was already out the door, "Ok then, Lexa's girlfriend has no clue where she is.. we won't find her" Anya said sighing as hard as she could manage. "Look, we could still find her, who knows she might be somewhere just looking for some inspiration for some songs or something" Gustus said trying to calm Anya down, but he knew she was right even if she was out there looking for some inspiration to a song she won't be back anytime soon, but she would've sent a text or called telling them where she was. "Fuck, just the last time she did this was when she found that letter from her parents hidden in Indra's room.." Anya recalled to which then she looks Gustus dead in the eye and is met with the same expression as her, "Did you happen to mention anything about.." Anya asked looking at Gustus, this time she was more worried than she was before. "No, did you?" Gustus asked and thats when they both look out the door and stare at Clarke who was patiently standing there waiting for them to start the search for Lexa.

As they both approached Clarke slowly with worried looks, Clarke looks at them confused, "Uhm we should probably start looking for her?" She asked. Anya who was practically frustrated (from not finding Lexa at all) grabs her arm without warning, Clarke flinches from the tight grip Anya had on her, "Did you mention or ask about Lexa's parents at all when you were with her?" Anya asked tightening her grip on Clarke.

Clarke looks at her confused but quickly remembers the heartfelt conversation she had with Lexa "Fuck.." she whispers. "Fuck" Gustus said, and "Fuck" Anya said letting Clarke go. "Does that have to do with why you cant find her?" Clarke asked - she was really worried now, she did not want to be the cause of some trigger on Lexa - "Just, the last time when her parents were involved with her she disappeared, she ran away, she was gone for like 4 days without a word, and she came back all bruised up and she never talked about what she did those 4 days she was gone" Gustus said clenching his fist, this all made them worried a lot more, there was a lot Clarke needed to know about Lexa especially how fragile she truly is.

"Just why did you ask? why was that so important for you to know?" Anya asked, her voice was calm but her breathing wasn't - she loves Lexa a lot, she won't normally show it but she'd do anything for her regardless of being blood related or not - "I didn't.. she told me, everything, well most things, the important things at least" Clarke said to which shocked both Gustus and Anya, "What has she not talked to you guys about it?" Clarke asked, "No, never." Anya said looking at her, and at that moment the way Anya saw Clarke changed, - "Why would she tell Clarke but not Costia?" Anya asked herself as she remembered that even Costia knew nothing about Lexa, no one really knows much about Lexa other than Lexa herself. - Clarke just looks at them as they try to process the information they just received.

\---

They all drove back to Anya's place hoping she would be home, but she wasn't, no surprise there. "Uh Clarke we woke you up pretty early, here sleep on Lexa's bed" Anya said leading Clarke to Lexa's room. Clarke was amazed just by how Lexa's room looked so like Lexa (well of course she decorated it herself) - the band posters scattered on the walls, spray painted lyrics, her mattress on the floor with no bed frame, clothes tossed around, a messy desk with her guitars lined up neatly beside it, yup so Lexa - "Aren't we going to look for her?" Clarke asked, "She'll come back, its no use if we try to find her, she'll find herself to us soon enough, don't worry as much Lexa can take care of herself, to be honest im kind of jealous that she told you what she told you, she never told me anything that involved her parents.." Anya said, smiling at Clarke as she patted her head. - Although she was jealous of Clarke, she was kind of happy that Lexa might actually not bottle stuff up this time. - Anya left Clarke in Lexa's room and closed the door behind her, she was going to stay up all night for sure, like she always does when Lexa is missing.

Clarke looked around Lexa's room, she could've sworn she saw Lexa cleaning her room when she came to her, so why was her room so messy. Clarke approached Lexa's messy desk, and on the desk were multilple books stacked on top of another, - another thing Clarke didn't know about Lexa, she loves to read - "Wow, Fitzgerald books, who would've thought" Clarke told herself, she couldnt help but smile at the thought of Lexa reading all these books while listening to rock music. As she was skimming through Lexa's books she finds an open book with words and scribbles all over it. Clarke picked it up and saw the words 'So Tell Me Right Now' in big red bolded letters. She closed the book for a second to see POTENTIAL LYRICS FOR SONG JOURNAL written on the front of the book.

For a second Clarke wanted to put the book down as it would have been an invasion of Lexa's privacy, but her curiosity grew bigger as she read the words '**for clarke' scribbled beside the title SO TELL ME RIGHT NOW. Clarke smiled and blushed as she realized that this is a potential song that Lexa wrote for her, so of course she had to read it.

Clarke takes in a deep breath before continuing, and then she reads..

 

_the first time i saw you_

_i made myself look away_

_hoping that i wouldnt realize_

_just the way your face made my heart feel a certain way (looks arent everything lexa!)  
_

_maybe if i had stared long enough_

_my eyes would've followed you around making me wish that i had gone up to you_

_(thank god i went up to you)_

_so that i could have sex with you_

_(already thinking about having sex with Clarke, smh lexa, well i mean good for you!)_

_so tell me right now_

_will it be worth  having a broken heart be broken again_

_id like to take you out and hear you moan my name_

_politely take you out on a date_

_but then have sex with you all over again_

_so tell me now, do i have a chance?_

_to take you out and eat you right..._

 

Clarke slowly closed the book when she read the words "take you out and eat you right" as her mind was flooded with the thought of Lexa going down on her, she was now smiling, blushing and horny as fuck. "God dammit Lexa, you aren't even here and you're still affecting me" she told herself.

Clarke jumped when she heard laughter from behind her, she turned around and saw Gustus and Anya standing behind her, she said that way too loudly, good one Clarke. "Just wanted to say goodnight" Gustus said between laughs, Anya was too busy laughing to even say a word. They both left Clarke alone still laughing, and before Clarke knew it she fell asleep on Lexa's bed with her journal gripped tightly beside her.


	10. Desert for breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people staring at sleeping people.

Lexa woke up and looked around her, just what she thought, she was back where she started. She pulls herself up and grabs the coat laying next to her, she pulls out her phone and turns it on. "5:40 am" she whispers to herself. Just as she turns her phone on it blows up with notifications, text messages from Anya, Gus.. phone calls from Anya, and Gus. She smiles at her phone screen, "as to be expected" she says smiling at the thought of the people who cared for her. As the notifications continued to come in she starts seeing how she's being notified with a bunch of notifications from Clarke. "Lexa, where ever you are, please be safe. i like you." "Lexa, where are you? :(." "Please come back." "Im worried." "Im in your room right now, i really expected it to be cleaner." and so on, Lexa smiled even more at all of the text messages from Clarke. It was as if she had forgotten she now had someone like Clarke around. 

She gets up and grabs her coat, putting it on. She scans the room covered with spiderwebs, scraps of paper here and there, graffiti on the wall, and small holes on the walls before leaving. She starts walking back, it took her about 45 mins to walk back to her house. Lexa hesitates going through the front door, she knew Anya would be fast asleep on the couch waiting for. She didn't want to accidentally wake her up, so she resorts to her go to plan of sneaking back into her house through her room window. 

Lexa manages to sneak back into her room she tries to be as quiet as possible, hoping Anya wouldn't wake up. She removes her coat and is about ready to plop on her bed when she recognizes a familiar blonde colour on her bed. She smiles remembering the text message she read from Clarke earlier. She can't help but stare at the sleeping Clarke, peaceful on her bed, she looks down and notices her journal gripped by her. Lexa freezes and turns red, "Ofc" she whispers, knowing her luck. 

Lexa positions herself gently right next to Clarke, she lies on her side. "Don't fuck this up Lexa, she's an angel sent for you" she thought to herself as she stared at the peaceful girl sleeping in front of her. 

\--- 

Clarke wakes up remembering she's in Lexa's room, she checks her phone, 7:35 am and no text messages nor phone calls from Lexa. She sighs and turns over, to her surprise she sees a sleeping Lexa right next to her. She smiles and kisses the sleeping girl on her forehead, she gets up and starts making her way to the washroom. Clarke half asleep, stares at Anya sitting on a toilet, door sprung wide open, Anya herself was half asleep as well. They both make eye contact with blank expressions. Anya gets up and flushes the toilet, she washes her hands and gestures for Clarke to take her turn. To her surprise Clarke pulls her pants down and sits on the toilet, door still sprung open. It was quiet for a few seconds before Clarke speaks up. "She's here by the way, if you didn't know, she's in her room, i don't know when she got here but i just woke up and she was here.." Clarke smiles at Anya who processed her words then ran to Lexa's room. 

Clarke washes her hand and heads back to Lexa's room, she's stopped at Anya standing in front of Lexa's bed just staring at Lexa. Anya recollects herself, wiping off the tears on her face. She closes the door behind her and looks up at Clarke. "I really care for her, she's all i've got to care for in this shitty world." Anya tries to explain herself, Clarke smiles. "I really think you'll be good for her, she told you about her parents, and she's back, she was only gone for a couple of hours.. usually she'd be gone longer, this is a start, please don't hurt her." 

"I won't. I promise." Clarke says.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Gustus says from behind, opening the door to Lexa's room and sighing as he sees a sleeping Lexa on her bed. 

\--- 

Lexa wakes up, as usual first thing she checks is her phone. 2:12 pm. She's saddened at the lack of blonde beside her. She gets herself up and heads to the washroom. She freezes at the sight. Door sprung open, Clarke staring at the wall in front of her, sitting on the toilet. Lexa blinks repeatedly and stares at her, Clarke finally notices Lexa standing there and smiles, "you're finally up." She says. 

Lexa couldn't control herself and rushes quickly over to Clarke. She hovers her and stares at her, Clarke looks up at her confusingly. Lexa leans forward and kisses the blonde on the toilet, not even realizing the sound of Clarke peeing in the background. Clarke fights back and kisses Lexa, they both smile and seconds later start giggling. 

"Lexa what did i say? No eating desert until you've had a proper meal!" Anya joked as she watches the two dorks. 

"I prefer desert for breakfast" Lexa smirks, closing the washroom door and locking. 

"Oh god! no! eww! please don't not while im standing here!" Anya whines, banging on the door. 

"What's going on?" Gustus says, as he sees Anya banging on the door screaming. 

"Lexa and Clarke are in the washroom fucking.." Anya rolls her eyes. 

Clarke and Lexa laugh at the muffled conversation between the two behind the door. 

Clarke looks at Lexa, "if you ever have the need to runaway again, come to me, we don't have to talk, just come to me.." She gets up and kisses her forehead. "You could have unlimited desert for breakfast if you come to me" Clarke smirks. 

Lexa looks down and laughs. 

"What?" Clarke asks confused. 

"Nothing." Lexa says leaning in for another kiss while lifting Clarke's pants up. 

"I thought you wanted desert for breakfast?" Clarke muffles in to the kiss. 

Lexa smiles, "maybe some other day." Clarke smiles and Lexa opens the door to a surprised Anya and smiling Gus. 

"That was quick.." Anya says.

Clarke, Lexa, and Gustus all start laughing at Anya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 1 year Clexa kiss anniversary! :)


	11. Heda of my Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

They were all in the basement watching movies, Clarke laying down on Lexa’s lap, Gustus sitting close to Anya who was pretending she doesn’t realize how close they really are. 

Clarke was looking around confused, everyone was acting as if nothing happened. No one was asking Lexa where she had gone to, why she left, everyone was just simply ignoring the couple of hours before Lexa came back. 

“I’m hungry, Ill go grab some snacks” Anya says as she gets up, she bites down on her lip to stop herself from smiling as she notices the sad look on Gustus’ face at the sudden emptiness beside him. 

“I’ll go help” Clarke says getting up too, but she doesn’t stop herself from smiling as Lexa’s face drops at the lack of Clarke on her lap. 

The two girls head upstairs to the kitchen. 

“Spill it” Anya blurts out as she grabs a bag of popcorn from the cupboard. 

“Spill what?” Clarke says grabbing a bowl. 

“You’ve been all detective-like downstairs, you think i didn’t notice.. keep it up and Lexa will notice too” Anya says as she opens the bag of popcorn and places it in the microwave. 

She presses the popcorn button on the microwave and turns around, arms crossed facing Clarke. 

“if you plan on asking her where she went, this is where you stop..” Clarke stares at her confused, “arent you curious? i mean, she left and came back in the middle of the night..” Clarke says getting a couple of water bottles and placing it on a tray. 

“Of course i’m curious, id love to know where she goes every time she gets upset or scared.. but the last time i asked all she did was run off again.” Anya says, Clarke notices her eyes getting watery but she doesn’t mention anything about it. 

“And the last thing i want is for her to run off again” Anya says, the microwave beeps just as Lexa comes up from the stairs, “thought you guys might want some help” she smiled standing at the edge of the counter. 

“were good” Anya smiles, “yeaup” Clarke says trying to force a good enough smile to convince Lexa.   
Lexa nods and goes back downstairs. “You think she heard?” Clarke asked, “It’s Lexa, there’s not much to know if she heard or not, either way she’ll act the same” Anya says as she pours the popcorn into the bowl. 

Clarke grabs the tray filled with water bottles and candy and heads down the stairs while Anya follows with the bowl of popcorn snacking from time to time. 

Clarke plops down beside Lexa and hands her a water bottle all while kissing her cheek, Lexa smiles and relaxes onto Clarke’s shoulder. They all snacked while watching the movie, laughing from time to time. Gus and Lexa’s favorite moments were when scary parts came up and Anya and Clarke had to seek safety right between their companion’s arms. Or if you pay really close attention, it’s Gus and Lexa seeking safety. 

-

Clarke wakes up and notices that Lexa wasn’t beside her anymore, she looks up and notices Anya waking up about the same time she did. ‘i guess everyone fell asleep’ She thought to herself as she noticed Gus sleeping on the couch too. 

Anya rubs her eyes and looks at Clarke’s direction, her eyes widen as she doesn’t see Lexa. Anya glances at Clarke and makes eye contact before she gathers up the right amount of energy to burst up and run upstairs. 

Gus shoots right up and looks at Clarke confused, at the same time Clarke gets up and runs upstairs following Anya. She stops at the top of the staircase as she watches Anya look through the kitchen, living room and backyard but still no sign of Lexa. 

Anya sighs before running upstairs, Clarke following her and now Gus right behind her too, she checks her bedroom and nothing, she checks Indra’s bedroom and nothing, she stops right in front of Lexa’s door and takes a deep breath. She pushes the door open and sighs with relief as she sees Lexa sitting on the floor playing with her guitar. Clarke smiles at the sight of Lexa. Gus laughs startling Lexa who looks up at them confused. 

“Everything okay?” She asks, Everyone nods, “you just look too cute” Clarke says.

Anya plops herself down beside Lexa, “what you working on” she asks, Lexa blushes at the question. 

“I’m not quite done yet” Lexa says, closing the book in front of her. 

“Oh come on, it’s been so long since you last played a song in front of us” Gus says plopping herself right beside Anya. 

“I don’t know..” Lexa says, Anya and Gus look up at Clarke. Clarke takes the hint and speaks up, “well.. I’d love to hear you play something again, yknw now that i’m not half asleep and hung over..” Lexa laughs as she remembered the first time she played in front of Clarke. “Fine” she says, getting up and sitting on her bed, Clarke sits down beside Gus on the floor. 

Lexa clears her throat before picking at her guitar, already the three were amazed at the rhythm Lexa had managed to start off with. 

“the first time i laid eyes on you,   
no one would’ve thought its true  
that i’d get so attached  
that i’d get so bewildered as if i had met you before  
the first time we had locked eyes  
i thought that i would die   
as i swear i saw the skyyy   
and my favorite color changed to bluee   
but fuck how i’m scared   
to get so involved again  
because this time its worst  
you got me so vulnerable   
running off one my own  
but quickly coming back  
i hope you are aware  
of just how much i seem to care   
about you and only you..” 

Lexa clears her throat again, blushing really hard. Anya and Gus look at each other grinning before turning their attention to Clarke. Lexa was too busy looking down at her feet to even stare at Clarke’s direction. 

Clarke sat on the floor amazed, mouth wide open as she tried to process the song. “Is.. is that about who i think it’s about..” She asks slowly, Gus and Anya burst into laughter, “please don’t tell me youre as oblivious as Lexa over here” Anya says still laughing. 

Lexa glares at Anya but then looks at Clarke, blushing. “I-It’s still not done, I st-still have to change it here and there.. it’s just a rou—“ Lexa says before Clarke throws herself up at Lexa to kiss her. 

Clarke breaks the kiss first as she rubs her chest in pain, the guitar broke her fall. Lexa laughs as she pulls the guitar away and lays it right beside her and pulls Clarke back on top of her to kiss her even more, by this time Gus and Anya had snuck out the room and closed the door. 

Clarke pulls away again smiling, Lexa looks up at her biting her lip all confused. “You make me vulnerable too you know..” Clarke says placing her forehead onto Lexa’s. 

Clarke closes her eyes, “please don’t run off again.. i thought you ran away from me again, i thought i did something wrong, which tell me if i did.. i don’t want to make the same mistakes..” 

Lexa’s smile drops as everything becomes real again, kissing Clarke felt so surreal to her. 

“I’m sorry if i made you feel that way, and no you did nothing wrong..” Lexa says pulling Clarke closer to hug her. 

“I just, i just felt so overwhelmed i just had to go off, i planned on coming back i swear i did, i just lost track of time..” she added as she wrapped herself around Clarke, hugging her tighter. 

“Where’d you even run off to, especially when it was so late..” Clarke asks. 

Lexa’s grip on Clarke loosens, giving Clarke the hint to get off of her, Clarke gets up off of Lexa and sits beside her, she grabs her hand and holds it tightly. 

“you don’t have to tell me, just if you ever feel like running off again, seriously, come run to me..” Clarke says, Lexa places her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “I will..” she says. 

 

Clarke let Lexa rest her head onto her shoulder until she fell asleep, when Lexa finally falls asleep she slowly helps her lay on her bed. Clarke covers her up with her blanket and puts her guitar away, Clarke places a kiss on her forehead and heads out of her room. 

She’s greeted with Anya outside, “Please tell me you didn’t ask her where she ran off to..” Anya asks, crossing her arms again. 

Clarke stayed quiet not saying anything, Anya sighs, “there’s food downstairs if you’re hungry, Gus made some right before he left..” 

Clarke smiles, “It’s ok, i should probably head home anyway, Lexa fell asleep, just tell her i went home if she wakes up..” Anya nods and smiles. 

Clarke turns around before Anya stops her, “Thanks.. again.” Clarke looks at her confused. “It may not seem like it, but Lexa really relies on you, i really feel like she needs you, just don’t do anything stupid and like leave her or something..” Anya says, Clarke was about to say something before Anya cuts her off, “.. and no matter what, no matter how hard she pushes you away, or how much she hurts you, don’t give up too easily, she’s just testing you.. she isn’t the type to hurt you for no reason, when she says she cares about you.. she really means it, Lexa doesn’t care about much in this shitty world, but she cares about you, and that says something, that says a lot actually..” Anya pats Clarke’s shoulder awkwardly. 

Clarke just looks at her confused again before hugging her. She just smiles and heads back downstairs, “I’ll probably be back here again tomorrow” Clarke says, “I’ll help with the ‘make sure Lexa doesn’t run off’ duty” Anya laughs. 

-  
Clarke finally gets home and receives a text from Lexa. 

Lexa : [ woke up and you were gone. ] 

[ I’ll be back tomorrow i promise. :) <3 ] : Clarke 

Lexa : [ The song by the way, is about who you were thinking about, i call it HEDA OF MY HEART. *insert laughing emoji here* ]

[ You are such a secretive dork i love it. :’) ] : Clarke 

Clarke smiles at her phone, “Heda of my heart” she says to herself, “what a dork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its kind of short, sorry :(


	12. Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds something she wasn't suppose to find.

It was 1:32 am and Lexa found herself pacing her room again. Indra had gotten home earlier and had asked Lexa to put her bags into her room for her, little did Indra know that Lexa would find something she wasn’t suppose to find. 

\- 

“Welcome home Indra” Anya said greeting Indra with a hug. 

“I hope you guys didn’t cause any problems..” She was joking but that didn’t stop her from looking right at Lexa. 

Lexa shrugged, “Maybe we got bored and had a party.. maybe i ran away..” Anya froze when Lexa said it, but she quickly brushed it off and helped Indra put her stuff down. 

“Lexa do me a favor and put my bags upstairs, and Anya help me with these please” Indra says handing Anya a handful of gift bags, gifts for them both as usual. 

Lexa grabs Indra’s bags and runs upstairs, she kicks Indra’s door open and throws all her bags onto her bed. “PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH MY STUFF LEXA, THEY CAN BREAK YOU KNOW!” Indra yells from downstairs. 

As Lexa throws Indra’s stuff, one of Indra’s bag tips over and falls onto the ground letting a bunch of papers to fall out. Lexa curses at herself for being so reckless but runs over quickly to the scattered papers and picks them up. While she tried to quickly gather the papers something catches her eye. “Custody of Lexa Woods” she reads, she picks it up and stands, getting a better look at it. “A notice for Indra Trikru, about the fostering of Lexa Woods.” Lexa reads, “Lexa’s biological parents, Ivan Woods and Trinity Woods, to fight for custody of their oldest child Lexa Woods.” she continues to read, “a court date to be set in 3 months” she stops this letter was issued 2 months ago, it was getting too hard for Lexa to read as her eyes got too watery to even process any of the letters for it to combine into words. Lexa drops herself onto the ground and just lets herself cry. 

\- 

She paces back and forth into her room, the note clutched against her hand, there was an address and everything, the address of Lexa’s parents. 

She was debating of running, running far, anywhere basically. She couldn’t handle being in the same house as Indra, Lexa was too angry to even want to talk to Indra about all this. “Why did she keep this to herself” Lexa said angrily, she was going to grab her stuff and run but she remembered Clarke. 

Lexa throws herself onto her bed and cries, she was stuck between running away or going to Clarke, the option was clear for her. She didn’t want Clarke to see her like this. She gathers her stuff and heads out her window. She sends Clarke a quick text. 

Lexa : [ Don’t be mad at me, i have my reasons to do what i do. ] 1:35am.

It took Clarke a couple of minutes to respond.   
-  
 1:38am. [ ???] : Clarke 

1:38am. [ LEXA!?] : Clarke

1:39am. [ What do you mean?? what are you talking about? are you there? ] : Clarke

Clarke waited a couple of minutes for Lexa to reply but nothing. She quickly dials Lexa’s number but no answer, she tries again but still no answer. Clarke was too worried to wait so she grabs her jacket and keys and heads out. She makes a call on the way. 

“Hello?” a muffled voice answered, he was half asleep. 

“Gus it’s Clarke..” 

“C-Clarke? why are you calling so late?” 

“I think Lexa ran away again..” she said

“WHAT WAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW?” Gus practically screamed onto the phone, you could tell he cared a lot about Lexa. 

“Idk she sent me a text saying not to be mad at her, that she had her reasons to do what she does, and I talked to her earlier about if she runs away not to anymore, instead just come to me..” Clarke said, she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty thinking she had done something that caused Lexa to bolt again.

“Ok i’m heading to Lexa’s right now, ill see you there” Gus said and hangs up. 

Clarke pulls up at Lexa’s drive way and sees Anya and Gus sitting at the porch, waiting for her, as soon as they see Clarke’s car pull up they got up and got inside her car. 

Anya didn’t say anything, she looked too tired and too upset to even say anything to Clarke. 

 

It was 5:04 am and they still had no sign of Lexa, everyone was tired, getting sleepy. They drove around to all of Lexa’s favorite place but still nothing. 

“Wait!” Gus blurts out, making Anya and Clarke jump at the sudden high voice. Good thing they were parked on the side of the road, although it wasn’t busy since the sun was just coming up. 

“You called her right?” Gus asked looking at Anya.

“Yea multiple times..” Anya said. 

“And it rang? how many times?” Gus asked grabbing his phone. 

“idk a couple of times before it went to voicemail like it always does..” Anya was confused. 

“THATS IT! THAT MEANS SHE FORGOT TO TURN HER PHONE OFF WHICH MEANS..” Gus looks at Clarke and Anya but nothing. 

“Means what?” Anya asked, then Clarke’s face lights up “HER LOCATION IS ON!” Clarke says picking up where Gus was coming from. 

Anya grins and jumps to the back to hug Gus where he was sitting at the backseat. Gus looks through his phone smiling, happy at the sudden thought he just had. “Why didn’t i think about this earlier..” Gus said to himself, beating himself down. They could’ve found her earlier if he had just thought about it earlier. Anya was laughing in the background, it was a mixture of finally having a clue where Lexa was and the lack of sleep. 

Gus finally gets the location of Lexa’s phone. 

“318 Mc. Trevor Rd.” Gus blurts out. Anya stops laughing, she looks at Clarke's direction with a serious expression. “Drive.. drive fast.” she says to her. 

Clarke drives fast, and she really drives fast, they got to the location in only 10 minutes which would’ve taken 20, the ride there felt ages, even with the speed they were driving it. Clarke was confused why the sudden vibe dropped in the car the moment they found out Lexa’s location. Then everything made sense the moment Clarke drove down the street and found a distressed Lexa, standing in front of a house. She was bawling, but not the kind where you would hear wails of crying, the kind where tears were falling endlessly but there were no sound. Just tears, falling, tear after tear. 

Everything felt like slow motion, the way the car drove down the road and found Lexa, the way the car stopped and as soon as it stopped, barely even, Anya and Gus run out of the car and grab Lexa. The way Lexa just drops to her knees, crying, not even realizing that Anya and Gus were standing right beside her, crying too. 

Clarke gets out of the car slowly, she was confused, she looks at the house in front of her. “Woods.” she reads on the mailbox. It took Clarke 2 seconds to connect everything back to Lexa. Lexa was standing in front of her parent’s house. How she found it made Clarke confused, how long she’s been there made her even more confused. 

Everything was still in slow motion for Clarke, Lexa was still on her knees unaware of her surroundings, her eyes just fixated on the house, the words Woods. She was crying non stop, her eyes were so red it was obvious she had been crying all night. 

It wasn’t until a tall man walks out of the door does everyone move quickly. The man had Lexa’s features, it was without doubt Lexa’s father. Then suddenly a woman walks out too, practically mirroring Lexa as she looked exactly like her. 

Clarke looks over at Lexa who gets up on her feet and stares at the couple. She stops crying for a second, an angry expression emerging her face. Clarke braces herself, for some reason she felt like she needed to brace herself. 

Lexa shakes Anya and Gus’s grip on her off of her and begins to approach the house. She stops suddenly as a little boy steps outside of the house gripping the woman’s hand staring at Lexa, a scared expression on his face. 

“mommy who is that?” the little boy asked. 

Lexa’s eyes were wide, she was frozen. 

Clarke ran up to Lexa stopping her, she grabs Lexa and hugs her tightly, she felt Lexa practically throw herself onto her. Clarke wraps her arms tightly around Lexa and calms her down. Clarke was crying along with everyone else. 

No one knew much, but with what they saw and how broken and vulnerable Lexa looked, everyone just knew. Clarke, Anya, and Gus glaring at the couple outside the house and crying while they helped Lexa into the car. 

The ride home was quiet. 

 

Clarke was sitting beside Lexa on her bed, Lexa was sleeping. Gus was standing by the door leaning against the wall and Anya was too busy screaming at Indra in the back. 

“WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME, WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US WHY..” You could hear Anya screaming even through the closed doors. 

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE SURE THOSE TWO DISGUSTING PIGS STAYED IN JAIL, THEN WHY ARE THEY OUT.. WHY..” she continued. 

“WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO FIGHT FOR CUSTODY OF LEXA AFTER ALL THE CRAP THEY PUT HER THROUGH..” the screaming stops as all you could hear were sobbing. 

“I’m telling you this right now, i’m giving you the way out before she gets even more attached to you..” Gus speaks up. 

“what do you mean?” Clarke asked.

“You don’t know what you’re signing up for when it comes to Lexa, heck even i don’t this is all new to me but i know that i won’t just leave her if it gets too hard.” 

“what’s that suppose to mean?” Clarke asks getting all defensive. “you think ill just get up and go because it got too hard?” she adds. 

“I’m not saying you wont, but im not saying you will, im just saying that if you aren’t the type to deal with things when it gets tough, then leave before it gets worse.. or before Lexa gets too attached.” Gus says.   
This was the first time Clarke heard Gus say anything like this, in Clarke’s opinion she expected it more from Anya if anything. 

“She’s already attached to me, and it was already hard the moment it started..” Clarke says, “it gets worse before it gets better..” she adds. 

“I’m here for her best, and ill be here for her worst.. i won’t break her heart just because it gets challenging” Clarke says, staring at Lexa who was sleeping beside her. 

Gus smiles and walks over and sits beside Clarke. “I knew you were good for her the moment i saw her lay her eyes on you..” he says, Clarke lays her head onto Gus’ shoulder. 

“they can’t just take her.. can they? after all they’ve done to her..” Clarke asks her eyes getting watery. 

“Let’s hope not..” Gus says, his eyes getting watery too as he turns around and looks at the peaceful sleepy Lexa.

“I’ve known Lexa for quite awhile now, and what i saw today, was the first i ever saw her so broken.. so vulnerable.. i barely recognized her.. even with what happened with Costia, it doesn’t compare to how i saw her today.. it makes me so angry..” Gus adds. 

Clarke grabs Gus’ hand and squeezes it, Anya walks in angrily and looks down at Lexa and eases herself, then she looks over at Gus and Clarke and places herself beside Gus, grabbing his hand too and squeezing it.


	13. Take all of mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little flashback

Lexa woke up from her sleep, she was surprised to see everyone in her room sleeping beside her. She looks around for her phone to check the time. “11:34 am” she slowly gets up, trying hard not wake the others up. She quickly glances at Clarke, she smiles. “please don’t walk away, i need you more than ever” she whispers. 

She walks downstairs into the kitchen, she places herself on the stool beside the counter. Lexa closes her eyes slowly, flashbacks of the little boy saying “mommy who is she” replaying in her head. She opens her eyes, her head is pounding, her eyes were dry and red and sore. She struggles to get up and walks towards the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and opening it. She flinches at how cold the water was going down her throat but quickly chugs it down. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Lexa turns around and Indra was standing behind her, she knew well enough not to get too close to her. 

“Why didn’t you say anything..” Lexa wasn’t making eye contact, there was no way she could look Indra in the eye after everything that went down. 

Indra steps closer to her, Lexa steps back. 

“I thought i could sort everything out, i thought that by the time the court date came i would’ve gotten full custody of you, i thought that because of everything that happened to you, there was no way the judge would put you back into that horrible place again..” Indra steps closer to Lexa again, Lexa steps further back hitting her back against the fridge. 

Lexa winces in pain. 

“I should’ve told you, but i knew that you’d lose it, go crazy, i knew you’d run off again and i couldn’t have that..” 

Lexa doesn’t say anything. 

“So i thought that if i kept it to myself and fixed everything then you wouldn’t have to find out.” 

“Well i did find out” Lexa practically whispers, “i found out and i saw them and trust me Indra, seeing them brought so much back..” Lexa hadn’t realized she was crying. “Seeing the two people that were suppose to love and care for me but instead treated me like crap and practically sold me to their friends… seeing them after so long… j-just seeing their faces..” Lexa sobs. “..brought so much back that i thought i had forgotten..” 

“INDRA!” Anya steps in, grabbing Lexa. “I told yo-“ Indra cuts her off.

“I know, you told me not to but i had to explain myself..”  
“I think its enough for now..” Anya says.

“You know the worst part about seeing them today… was the little boy that walked outside, held onto my mothers hands tightly and asked her who i was..” Lexa was practically yelling by now. “the worst part about that.. was the thought that they took care of this little boy so much better than they did of me because they loved him more.. or maybe im wrong maybe they brainwashed him like they did to me.. making him think that what they do is out of love..” Lexa inhales deeply. “and i honestly don’t know whats worst.. but either way it hurts.. it hurts that this little kid who potentially might be my brother is stuck with those two idiots..” 

Lexa sobs even harder letting Anya take her upstairs. 

Indra starts to cry, she never lets anyone see her cry, so the moment Anya and Lexa were out of sight she just let it lose. She couldn’t help but blame herself for not trying hard enough, for not getting custody of Lexa the moment she was brought to her. She honestly did think Lexa would be permanent in her life, she honestly thought Lexa would have more time with her.. so how could she have known. 

Indra remembers the first time Lexa was brought into her life. 

*

Indra had just finished talking to a potential family that would adopt the child she had been seeing for awhile. She was overwhelmed with emotions, that was all part of being a social worker. She was sad that she might not ever see the child again considering how far their new parents were going to live, yet she was happy because this was what all these children ever dream of, getting adopted by a wonderful family. 

Indra was heading home, it was Anya’s 9th birthday. A child she had adopted a couple of years ago. 

“Indra.. we have a problem” Kane said he was followed by a shy little girl. 

Indra smiles at the little girl who quickly hides behind the tall man. 

Kane bends down at eye level to the little girl. “Hey, I’m just going to talk to Miss. Indra over there okay? I’ll be right back i promise, you sit on right over there..” He says pointing at a bench behind her. The girl did what she was told and sits on the bench, with her little stuffed octopus clutched beside her. 

Kane walks up to the Indra. “Whats wrong?” She asks him. 

Kane sighs looking back at the little girl then looking at Indra. 

“She was just brought in a few hours ago.. abusive parents.. drug addicts.. alcoholics.. the bad mix” 

Indra looks behind the man and sees the little girl playing with her octopus. 

“We got a call this morning, a neighbour heard cries he went to look and saw through the window her parents were out cold and she was crying right beside them.. poor kid thought they were dead” 

Indra clenches her jaw, the thought of the little girl thinking her parents were dead made her upset. 

“no kid should ever experience that..” Kane pulls his hair back in frustration. “the parents were just out cold because of the amount of drugs they were on.. surprised they didn’t o.d.” 

Kane was too busy talking to Indra that he didn’t notice the little girl beside him tugging onto his shirt. 

“Yes dear?” he says leaning down in front of her. 

“I’m hungry..” Indra laughs, the girl knew how to vocalize what she wanted. 

Indra bends down infront of her. 

“Hello there, I’m Indra, what’s your name?” she asks. 

The little girl shyly says “A-Alexandria.. but i like L-Lexa better..” 

“Well Lexa, how old are you?” she asks, allowing the girl to stop and think for awhile. Indra giggles at how Lexa took a moment to pause and count, she noticed her counting on her fingers to help. 

“six.. i think” 

Kane laughs “Yeaup you are six” he adds on, Lexa smiles. Kane smiles, “this was the first time today i’ve seen her smile” he whispers to Indra. 

“I’ll take her for now” Indra says, something inside her drew her close to Lexa, she didn’t know what it was but all she knew was that from the start Lexa was family, part of her small little family. 

\- 

Indra rushes home, Lexa was sitting at the backseat of her car asleep, clutching onto her octopus, Indra smiles at how cute Lexa looked. 

They finally get to Indra’s house and Lexa wakes up. “w-where are we?” she asks. 

“Were at my house, you’ll meet Anya, my daughter, it’s her birthday today.. don’t worry there’s lots of food so you’ll get to eat” 

Lexa smiles at the thought of food.  
Indra opens the door slowly and Lexa is surprised at the amount of kids running around in the house, balloons were placed everywhere, children's laughter were in the air, she saw nothing but smiles. It was different from what Lexa was used to, a messy house with nothing but dirty clothes and broken glass scattered on the ground, her parents yelling or the t.v being blasting was all she heard. Yet Indra’s house was so warming and welcoming, something Lexa never witnessed before or felt. 

Lexa was overwhelmed by the amount of kids, “Anya I’m home!” Indra yelled and all the kids stopped, they turned around at Indra. “Hi Miss. Trikru” the kids all chanted, then they noticed Lexa and they all stared, they tilted their heads like curious puppies. “Who’s that?" one girl yelled. 

Lexa clenched onto her octopus even more, hiding behind Indra. 

Lexa watched all the kids staring from behind Indra, the girls were wearing princess gowns and guys were wearing superhero clothes, then a girl appears and she was different from the other girls. She wasn’t wearing a princess gown, she was wearing a crown, but she was certainly not wearing a princess gown. 

Lexa looks at the girl in awe. She steps aside to have a better view of the girl, who was holding a sword, wearing a princess tiara, missing her two front teeth and had looked so intimidating for someone her age. The little girl was wearing some sort of peter pan combined with hercules costume, and for some reason it suited her well. 

The little girl approached Lexa, playing her sword into the little pouch she had on her costume. She was standing in front of Lexa, her intimidating look was close enough to make Lexa cry, but all Lexa did was clench onto her octopus. 

Indra bends down and hugs the little girl “Happy Birthday Anya!” she says while hugging the girl tightly. Lexa was smart for her age, so she quickly connected that the girl standing in front of her was Indra’s daughter. “Indra who is she?” Lexa was confused. 

“If she’s your mommy why do you call miss.Indra by her name..” Lexa asked, Anya was taken back from the question. She too questioned why. “I never really thought about it, i just thought it was polite to call someone by their name rather than ‘stinky’ head or ‘you’ there” 

Indra laughs at Anya’s child-like response for a nine year old. 

Lexa just blinks blankly at Anya, Anya smiles at her. “I like you already!” she says hugging Lexa, Lexa smiles dropping her octopus. 

“Come on let’s go play!” Anya says picking up the octopus and handing it to Lexa, Lexa half smiles at her. 

“Can we eat first?” Lexa asks, Indra laughs, “I’m hungry” she says, “Well we have some cake still.. do you like cake?” Anya asks. 

Lexa looks at her confused. “Whats that?” Anya’s eyes widen, “YOUVE NEVER HAD CAKE BEFORE? ITS MY FAVORITE!” she says grabbing Lexa and dragging her into the kitchen. 

Indra’s heart melts at the sight of the two getting along so well after seconds of just meeting. “WAIT ANYA! SHE CAN’T EAT CAKE SHE HAS TO EAT A PROPER MEAL FIR—“ she was cut off as she sees Lexa stuffing her face and the octopus’ face with chocolate cake, and Anya standing beside her looking at her as if she were her little sister. 

at that very moment did Indra send Kane a text message, 

Indra : [ don’t worry about finding a home for Lexa, i want to keep her. Anya loves her already. ] 

* 

Lexa was upstairs in Anya’s room, “the two are still sleeping so i don’t know if you want to go back to your room but you’re more than welcome to stay in here for now. 

Lexa plops onto Anya’s bed. 

“I remember the first time i met you..” she says. 

“you looked like a boy, yet you had a tiara on.. i was so confused, yet you treated me like your sister from the start, you gave me cake..” Lexa laughed, half crying. 

“and you were clutching onto mr. octopus..” Anya laughed. 

Lexa was quiet, half smiling and half crying as she remembers the first encounter she had with Anya.

“Lexa.. i know it’s hard right now, what you’re going through.. but i know one thing for sure, and that Indra is not going to let them get you, she won’t allow it, she’d have everything sorted out really soon, that she would..” Anya says breaking the silence, and breaking Lexa out of her haze. 

“she did that for me when i thought i was all done for, when i thought i was going back to my abusive home, she figured it out and got me and here i am..” she added, “she’ll get you too, and you’ll be permanently here i swear..” Anya says. 

Lexa sighs but looks up at Anya and gives her a half smile. Anya knew it meant a lot even though it wasn't a full smile, it never really did bother Anya, it resembled the half smile Lexa first gave to her when she handed her the octopus.

\- 

Gus wakes up soon after and heads to Anya’s room, the three hang out for awhile before Lexa starts feeling like a third wheel. She heads back to her room and sees Clarke still asleep on her bed. 

It was 8:22pm. and damn how Clarke could sleep. Lexa smiles at how cute she looked, she lays beside her and props her elbow up, leaning her head against her arm. She faced Clarke and watched as the girl inhaled and exhaled. It wasn’t long until Clarke opened her eyes slowly. 

“H-hey” Clarke says half asleep. 

“what time is it?” she asked. 

“time for normal people to sleep and people like you to wake up” Lexa jokes. 

Clarke smiles, yet she was surprised at how well Lexa was acting as if the nothing happened a couple of hours ago. 

“Are you saying Im not normal?” Clarke asks. 

“well i dislike normal people.. so yes” Lexa teases. 

“well i guess its good i’m not normal then.. because you like me” Clarke crunches up her nose, making Lexa laugh. 

Clarke scoots closer to Lexa, resting her head under her chin. “I’m sorry you witnessed me like that.. i norm—“ 

Clarke shushes her. “it’s ok, don’t apologize for being human..” Clarke says. 

“Time will heal.. all you need is time and i’ve got plenty, so you could take some of mine” Clarke says. Looking up at Lexa and kissing her chin. Lexa relaxes unto Clarke and hugs her. 

“I’ll be needing all the time there is in this world, for everything to heal..” Lexa says, Clarke sighs hugging her tighter. 

“then i guess i’ll give you all of mine..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters are so short because i decide to write at 2 am when im sleep deprived and basically running on nothing but coffee i drank hours ago. 
> 
>  
> 
> well.. they are short because ill most likely be updating at least everyday or every other day. who knows, depends how sleep deprived i am. 
> 
>  


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